Tuesday, November 29, 2005

ah finally... (random stuff)


Last week was like a tree falling on baby ducks. Gravity represents the inevitableness of the situation; the tree is the heavy load of work/tests and; the baby ducks are the students that had to suffer because of it.


Something I wasn’t too impressed with, however, was that my eating abilities have plummeted. I feel so fragile and girly. Like some kind of giant, overgrown hamster that eats the same amount as its little hamster friends. It’s not a bad thing to eat less... but I had so much pride in how much I could down and now it’s been stripped away from me like Hulk Hogan’s yellow tank top.

Lately, I have also been itching to snowboard. I think I had a dream about it. Too bad the snow’s all gone now... many people are pretty happy about it since it’s warmer. But you want to know what I think? How much a person likes winter is dependant on how much they keep themselves warm outside. If they don’t wear enough clothing; they'll complain that it’s cold; therefore, dislike winter. We need to onion-up with layers!

One more thing: Christmas season starts earlier and earlier. It’s a marketing scam! Stop taking the meaning out of Christmas by masking it with the need to give gifts! That’s not what Christmas is about; put the “Christ” back in “Christmas”!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

"Fun With Numbers" -W.J.

--> something I saw on Will Jung's blog... some of my the answers are the same because they seemed like a good fit.

TEN things you might not know about me:
1. I have 5 fillings on 3 teeth
2. I was considered “gifted” in grade 4 judging from some test, but my family couldn’t afford to put me in a private/gifted school.
3. My longest crush lasted 6 years
4. I like eating bananas that still have green on each end
5. I have a bad sense of smell
6. I have the most epiphanies while in the washroom
7. I've never broken any bones
8. I have a horrible memory
9. I have killed many bugs with my bare hands
10. The first boy I kissed was in grade 7

NINE places I've visited:
1. China/HK
2. Nicaragua
3. States (Chinese bus tour)
4. Ottawa
5. Kingston
6. Kitchener
7. Brampton
8. Collingwood
9. Mississauga

EIGHT things I want to do before I die (I’ve said these before):
1. Finish reading the Bible thoroughly
2. Have a school named after me
3. Open a dessert/ice cream/coffeeshop lounge place
4. Write a novel
5. Try all the different Pocky flavours in the world
6. Travel around the world (Esp. Europe & Japan)
7. Learn how to swim
8. Be able to jump and touch the rim of a bball net (3 more inches!)

SEVEN ways to win my heart:
1. give me lots of attention
2. going out of your way to help others in need
3. able to hold an intellectual conversation for a long time
4. very athletic and outgoing & better than me in at least one sport
5. opinionated & has strong beliefs
6. understanding & accepting of others
7. has God at the top of their priority list; not me

SIX things I'm afraid of:
1. my family & friends dying before they know Christ
2. getting lost in a foreign place
3. finding out everything I lived for was a lie
4. raising my kids in an even more corrupt world
5. being responsible for someone else’s death
6. discovering I wasted my life, not fulfilling what was set out for me

FIVE things I don't like:
1. liars/hypocrites
2. repetitive noises
3. injustice
4. people who don’t value their family
5. smoking

FOUR ways to turn me off:
1. constantly acting homosexual if you’re heterosexual
2. gossip
3. overly concerned about their (& my) appearance

4. being inconsiderate

THREE things I do every day:
1. go online
2. wonder what people are doing
3. pray

TWO things I'm trying NOT to do right now:
1. procrastinate
2. chat on msn

ONE thing on my mind right now:
1. Ski trip to Tremblant & Blue

Saturday, November 19, 2005

if we died

Today was the most moving prayer meeting I could remember. Basically, all 3 small groups met together and prayed for our brother Willie and his mother... oh, how genuine each prayer was! (You can count on me to be praying for you and your family, Willie.) But why is it that we only meet together to earnestly seek and cry out to God when something “bad” happens?

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I became conscious again today, that I undervalue everything I have; everyone I know. UGH!! I’m so frustrated with myself that it makes me sick! I just blogged about how I took my mom for granted and here I am again... right back at the beginning. When will I learn?!

I was reminded once more that our days are numbered... we won’t be alive forever. Not in this existence at least. I ask myself, “If I were to die tomorrow, what would I do differently?” The answer is a list that I can’t acknowledge - one that I can’t live out because I’m too fixed on what I see in front of me now. What if my mom were to die tomorrow? What if my siblings did? What would I change? Even in asking these questions I’m simply concerned with the people in my inner circle! Everyone on this Earth is a child of God; my siblings. Should I not be concerned? SHOULD I NOT BE CONCERNED?!

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DYING EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT??? Absolutely nothing.

What scares me is that; the possibility of the end being near for those I love, is even a possibility at all. When will I change? When will I learn? ... please, tell me when...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Lion funnies



I woke up this morning and I started thinking about this picture... and I started laughing to myself! *heh heh* oh Eugene and Sam... too funny. I'm laughing as I type because I keep looking at this pic! ^_____^

(last night my internet broke down so I used my time looking through all my digi pics)



Okay, I know this picture is very inappropriate, but it's FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

BTW, Chai Chi’s hand isn’t actually touching her. Sorry Mabel, I had to show people. I think I would post the pic if it were me. *ha*


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

catching up

Some things I did recently I haven’t done ever or haven’t done in a while:

  • Played piano (my hands were so cold by the end they turned numb and I couldn’t move fast enough for certain songs)
  • Drank soy milk
  • Text msged an old friend
  • Took pictures with my family
  • Went to Monday night volleyball (and I didn’t swear at all! Sadly to say, it’s something I struggle with while playing)
  • Woke up at 1:45 pm
  • Taught a Sunday school class
  • Went on Friendster
  • Kissed mother

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Some things I want to do soon:

  • Have coffee with someone and just allow life to slow down
  • Watch a movie
  • Make-right with people I’m not right with
  • Go to the gym or jog
  • Go snowboarding
  • Read Angels and Demons
  • Discover more Pocky flavors
  • Simmer in a hot bubble bath
  • Finish all my school work

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Grand

Never immersed in a love so deep
Stretched beyond all mountains’ peak
Never in this world that I would seek
Called for this heart to plunge so meek

Reigning over all sin’s deceptive veil
Blind eyes released on victory’s sail
No longer anchored by misleading fib tales
God’s wind will triumph and will not fail


Hesitant trust carries a cynical glare
Astounded to find a Man on this earth so rare
Bestow us faith; remove this stubborn layer
Expose and find there is a genuine prayer

Powerful yet merciful conveyed through His grace
His fallen, willful children He will still embrace
Despite denials, rejections, and love for sin’s taste
He still came to us; to this malevolent place

Love and peace no poem can express
Opened a joy only Satan detests
Unattainable by our worldly success
Oh, Infinite Lord, you shall not be repressed!


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So I decided to slack off by writing this poem (took me about a week).
To be honest, I had started the poem with the intention of writing it for Brian, but then after the first line, I thought it was too worship-like so I wrote the rest for God.
“That’s all I have to say about that.” --> the words of a good man.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

sighs all around

I’m flooded with work for the next 3 weeks, but I can’t concentrate...

Brian’s going to be doing his clinical in Kitchener in April and he’ll be gone for a year.

He asked me yesterday if I would cry if he wasn’t going to be in-town for clinical; of course, I said no. After all, there was an 82% chance of being placed somewhere in Toronto. Not only was he NOT placed in Toronto, but he’s also last on the waiting list. I was considering to get “rid” of a few people who were ahead of him in the waiting list, but I think ridding 5 people would be too much work.

Well, I was wrong about the crying thing. ~sigh~

I know we’ll still be able to talk every now and then, and see each other maybe once a month or something, but what scares me the most is not having him here to keep me accountable. I don’t trust myself enough to be comfortable with him leaving... I’m freaking weak I tell you! Even some of the things I was capable of doing while he was still here were rather “bad”... now they’ll be a million times worse and more tempting if he leaves! What will I do?! OH THE HUMANITY!!

ETCBC – Titus – small group – accountability partners --> I am going to lean on you guys like a fat kid against a wall after a 10 mile run.

I only recently got used to seeing him more... and now it’s being taken away... he’s leaving...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sponge-ing

I did something today that I’ve never done before... I call it sponge-ing, others may call it “mopping.” I didn’t use a mop, I used a sponge-with-a-stick-attached, so it’s not quite “mopping” – you wouldn’t use a pen to highlight things and call it highlighting; it’d be crossing things out. So yup, I sponged my kitchen floor today for the first time in the 20 years I’ve been alive. I don’t even think I did it properly (if there’s a proper way)… I just splashed dish-soapy water around and wiped it up with the sponge contraption.

Some trivial things I learned:

  • I learned the location of the sponge-thing
  • Don’t use too much soap – it gets too unnecessary bubbly and it takes forever to rinse and dry.
  • Splash soapy water as you go – don’t be an idiot and splash the whole floor first because then your feet gets wet.
  • Take the things out of the kitchen that you’ll need later – prevents you from needing to re-enter while the floor is still wet.
Some significant things I learned:

  • I’ve taken for granted the fact that I have a house to live in and take care of – there are so many people who do not have shelter at all... and here I am, whining about the rooms I need to clean and too lazy to keep things uncluttered.
  • I never realized how many things my mother had to do to keep the house clean and tidy... it’s absolutely frustrating when I’m the one cleaning for me and my siblings and they don’t care enough to help out. Now I can truly empathize with her when she does all the chores without any of her children to lend a hand

It’s true what they say, you never know what you have until it’s gone.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

breaking down

I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing
You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them I
nstead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

(Song: Be Magnified by Lynn Deshazo)
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LORD, FORGIVE ME!!

I don’t think I’ve been so impacted by song lyrics in a long time... probably since TC 2000 when I accepted Christ. I didn’t think I’d get so emotional, but I did (I don't usually admit to this). It’s because in the midst of singing, the words told my story. It’s funny how songs can touch and relate to a person so personally; so sacredly.

I was thinking just now, it’s sad that I need to break down every single day for me to appreciate just how awesome God is... and when I don't, I lose sight of how beautiful He really is...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

more

Once upon a time, there lived a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow...

The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, a knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife’s slain body in his arms.

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This story was written in this novel I’m reading, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. A simple, ironic story that brings out the complexity of greed – I thought it was brilliant and thus I share it with you.

It amazing what some people would do for more things... we just want more. More what? More of anything we can get our hands on. But I find that the things we need more of, we can't touch and don't ask for. Such as love, respect, dignity, wisdom, control, patience, peace, the list goes on and on... fascinating.