just one too many

How many times do “coincidences” need to happen before you stop and say, “wait, that's way too many coincidences at once – something's up...”


For this blog, I'll say that number is 11.


Going backwards, this is the result of the 11 coincidences: The direction/focus that EMC wants to go with the English congregation is affirmed. At least, affirmed to me. =)


Here is what happened...


1)Ultimate frisbee game had to happen before 9pm (otherwise I wouldn't sub).. game was at 8pm

2)Couldn't use my bro's car to drive to the game myself (he made other plans)

3)Couldn't get ride from Alvin (he had family plans and wasn't playing) and no one on the team lived anywhere close to me so no one offered a ride (womp womp)

4)I had to switch my nursery shift from Feb 10 to Feb 17 (switch was requested by Doret) in order to have a conversation with Lawrence about subbing for my ultimate team called Goodies the next day (today) and I couldn't find a ride

5)Lawrence was also subbing for Goodies. For the record, he didn't sub once in my earlier season with Goodies. Anyway, he so graciously offered me a ride despite going very out of his way (thanks Lawrence!)

6)An email was 2 hours delayed... an email which contained someone else offering to pick me up from home to drive me to the game (I “blame” Wind Mobile for this delay)

7)The delay forced me to subway to Lawrence/Linda's place where a meaningful conversation about Midsize Group (MG) and sermon topics began (had I received noted email 10min earlier; i.e. Before I left my house, I wouldn't have met up w/ Lawrence/Linda before the game at all)

8)MG met today in the afternoon and the focus is on sermon content as it relates to the English Mission Statement: Cultivating a Community that Fully Responds to God (this MG focus was agreed upon by the 4 small groups a month ago that MG should be more aligned w/ the church direction)

9)The conversation which started in the Wong house, continued in the car ride to the ultimate frisbee game (I'm quite confident that if Linda didn't ask me first specifically, what is MG doing, I wouldn't have brought up the recent sermon scriptures/topics... and if MG didn't happen this afternoon, I would've forgotten)

10)After the game, Lawrence drove me home and I had the opportunity to hear what he and his small group needed from ET (In summary: ET lacks basic knowledge of scripture and general spiritual disciplines)

11)Three other small groups independently came to this same conclusion last month...


You may think I may have had other opportunities to talk to Lawrence/Linda, but no, I likely wouldn't have spoken to them before the EMC Meeting (Mar 1) because I'm out of town from Feb 22-25... which means, I wouldn't be as fired up about this church direction affirmation and wouldn't push for how much ETCBC NEEDS spiritual discipline to incorporated into the church direction.


We need to go back to the heart scriptures and it needs to happen at the pulpit.

Coincidences? I think not.   God has His wheels in motion and we just got on board. =)

Day 1

November 24, 2012 - approx 3:50pm




Albert Kong  vs  Julie Cho



Event: Sprinting - Foot Race



Distance: length of ETCBC



Witness: Vivian Lo



……………………………………



It was a tough battle to the end… but there’s always a winner.



THE VICTOR: JULIE CHO



…………………………………….



Today marks a new era for Albert Kong. For the first time, Julie has beaten Albert in a sprint race - a milestone in their friendship worthy of reviving this blog.



……………………………………



Am I publicizing this achievement to applaud my physical prowess?



Nay.



I am merely recording this day as Day 1 of Albert’s training in attempts to reclaim his once glorified title as “faster than Julie.”

here fishy fishy

I recently watched the massacre of the fish Janet caught, killed, and ate... and I thought to myself... damn, I'd hate to be that fish.

Even though I can't swim, I somehow managed to picture myself as a random fish just swimming around in the lake, nibbling on algae and hangin' out in the school... (ha – pun intended)

Today, however, something came into my sight... something new... something gorgeous... something strangely enticing... A DELICIOUS WORM!! Word on the street was that the Worm was probably the best thing on the water menu. The. Best. Thing. Ever. It presumably put the algae diet to SHAME.

There is also a rumour that surrounds the consumption of the Worm... apparently, eating it is a risk. Apparently those who've tasted the Worm either loved it and became obsessed with it... or they were to never be seen again. Strange. I don't know anyone personally who's tried it though. How bad can it be?

To make a long story short, I basically took the risk and engulfed the Worm... and it blew my mind. Literally. To my surprise, the inside of the Worm was a metal spear that penetrated through my jaw and forced into my brain. It didn't hurt... I only felt a surge of coldness permeate every inch of my body... the next thing I knew, I was suffocated, beaten, had my skin ripped off, all my insides pulled out and was burned. That was the end of it – the end of me.

...humm... this story can take many forms and teach many different life lessons... but for today, this will be mine: listen to the advice of others and look before you leap because not everything needs to be learned the hard way. If what you're chasing after is something truly good for you, then proceeding with caution shouldn't cause it to go away; it should only delay it... but the delay will only make that good thing taste even sweeter.

10%

On my way home today, I decided to go for a walk in a nearby park... this walk evolved into an uncomfortably-reflective, self-analyzing confrontation of Julie 2010 by Julie 2011.

My mind flooded with fond memories of family and friends, career goals achieved, decisions made, regrets, relationships that have come and gone, lessons learned, sports teams... but for this entry, I will only speak to one of them: Giving.

The reason for this thought stemmed from Misa's sermon on Sunday, which lead to a discussion within my small group (L3), both talking about tithing. We plunged into a taboo dialogue that I believe - and hope – will leave me changed forever.

Giving the church 10% of your income. What do you think about that?

You're probably wondering, does Julie tithe that amount? – shamefully I will admit no, I don't. Perhaps not yet. But if you were to ask me, how much money I donated to charities, gave to those in need, used to buy food and snacks for the church and others, I will confidently say well more than 10% of my gross. Now here is my so-called “excuse” for not tithing the “proper amount”: I don't know how “the church” defined. Is it the building? Is it the gathering of people? Is it wherever worship happens?

I believe the church is more than just the building – it's people. “Giving to the church,” to me, means using our blessings – whether material wealth, skills/talents, time, energy, resources – to express love to others. Mind you, I'm coming from a mentality that says all material things here on earth will never really belong to me. All this stuff I have, it's God's stuff, I'm just taking care of it for now. So, quite frankly, what makes me more entitled to this stuff than the next guy?

That being said, if everything I have isn't really mine, then why not share?

Imagine... a world where everyone shared everything they had for the well-being of one another. We were taught sharing is caring as children... what happened? When did our toys become ours to conceal? When did we learn greed?

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that people who don't tithe or donate or whatever are greedy people.

My point is this... it's not about how much money you give to the church or to charities... it's not about what financial status you're in that dictates what you can give... heck, it's not even about the Bible saying we should give back 10% of our earnings... it's about where your heart is. Are you giving happily and graciously? Or are you giving it reluctantly and grudgingly? I'm sure if you were to grudgingly give your own parents money for whatever, they wouldn't want it. In the same way, I'm sure God doesn't want that money either. He doesn't want your money; He wants your heart.

I think the Bible asking us to give 10% is sooooo little in comparison to what is actually owed! And it's not just 10% of income, I think it's 10% of everything we have...! The act of giving income is probably to get us in a habit of giving regularly and simply being generous people. Perhaps we can look at tithing as teaching tool, if you will.

Or maybe I'm just a communist. Whatever it is, I think we as a wealthy nation, just needs to give more... and love it. =)

the funniest Comedian

is God. Quit playing games with my heart, Man. Too many tests makes Julie crazy... not sure if I'm at the same level as Job. (Although... If I were God, screwing around w/ the situation I'm in would be pretty hilarious.)

living on the edge... not.

I have a fear of rejection and it's ruining the person I think/thought I am/was.

Bam.

You know what the kicker is about rejection? It's the fact that a piece of you gets lost in the self-inflected vulnerability and that piece is irrecoverable. Gone - forever. And that to me sucks big time. I like the person I think I am... and a lot of that has to do with the level of confidence that allows me to be genuine in front of others. People act and think differently before they get rejected and act/think even more differently afterwards. So, when there's a potential for rejection, backing-off immediately to avoid the risk of losing one's identity seems to be natural, right?

Potential Rejection --> Avoidance --> Get over it --> Not Rejected --> Happiness

Being a risk avoider has its benefits, especially when a logic-dominant person like myself is faced with emotions. Stupid emotions. They don't make any sense and they fluctuate constantly without reason and yet, so many people (myself included on occasion) make life-changing decisions based solely on them. Stupid.

So anyway, I'm currently in the Pre-Potential Rejection phase. The risk: to-break or not-to-break the “we're just friends” code... the “I have a crush on a friend but I don't want to risk losing the friendship so I'm just not going to act on these so-called feelings and get over it.” Let the record show (again as I've said it before on this blog), that I have NEVER come close to liking a close friend. Ever. The reason why I say I'm Pre-Potential is because this strange attraction is so foreign, so weird and awkward that... the idea of me even being attracted to a buddy freaks the shit out of me and thus it's difficult for me to decipher if it's even a crush at all! Maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm just feeling the effects of everyone around me hooking up and getting married and having kids and that this dude would be a good catch. I don't know...

At this point, I just want someone to tell me he likes someone else or that he will only ever see me as a platonic friend. Just say it... just tell me that's how it is. Save me the trouble of trying to get over whatever it is I'm feeling and just strip me of any hope for something more. I don't want it... I don't want false hope... I don't want to over-analyze small encounters... I don't want to risk the friendship and I don't want things to change.

Our friendship is so good... too good to take the risk and mess it up because of stupid feelings. I guess at the end of the day, I'm happier not knowing what it could've been...

cards

I was a heartbeat away from throwing away every Christmas/Birthday/Valentine/Thank You/Christian/Friendship card I've ever received for the sake of removing clutter. But when I looked down at the poorly ripped envelopes, colourful edges and shimmery fonts, something made me stop. I picked up a random card and read it... it was probably the 3^rd time it was ever read.

1^st by the person who wrote it for me

2^nd by me once it was received

3^rd by me today.

Then THAT feeling came. You know, that feeling after you've secretly wronged someone and it's too late to fix it... that feeling after stuffing down a 2^nd helping of dessert even though you're no longer enjoying its taste... that feeling after breaking a promise after you said you wouldn't break it...

Guilt.

I felt guilty for neglecting these cards for so many years and feeling guilty for not feeling guilty about wanting them “out of sight” for another long extended period of time. As so, I sat down and picked up another card... then another... and then another... I re-read every single one. It took about 2 hours. Some of them dated back to the 90's while I was in elementary school!

Through the quirky inside jokes, the one-line generic messages, stick figures and gel pens, what hit me the most was how some of these people – at one point in my life – were one of my closest friends. And now they don't exist as contacts on my cell. Such a shame. There are many lost memories and significant people in my life who've helped shape me into this AMAZINGLY WONDEFUL AND SEXY GODESS... who I feel like I owe so much to... who would not have otherwise triggered a single recent thought had I not attempt to throw out the card they wrote me. Does this make me a heartless bitch? Maybe. But tell me, when's the last time you went through your cards, hum?

Along with the cards, there were hand-written letters, vandalised agendas, old love notes, handbooks, tickets, postcards, IOUs and home-made redeemable “coupons”, amongst other things... thus I would like to take this time to thank the following people:

Helen Lam – for writing me the most letters

Hazel Tenefrancia and Asako Ito – for giving me the most cards

Jonathan Robbins – for writing the funniest messages

Samantha King – for being my casual penpal for years

There's so much to write about when it comes to the past, but I'll stop here for now. 2011 is here and it's waiting for some attention.

Julie Cho's 2011 New Years Resolutions:

1. Cook more

2. Floss more regularly

3. Attend every prayer meeting so long as I'm in town

4. Learn to swim (preferably before May)

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!! =D

a note to Mr. Perfect:

I'm still lovin' this song!

Mr. Perfect, it would be great if these lyrics described how you felt about me all the time. =)

B.o.B - Nothin' On You


What can I say, I can be a little insecure sometimes with so many beautiful women roaming the streets and possibly hitting on you... 'cause you know - you're THAT amazing.

worst way to go

Recently, it seems like a lot more people “closer” to me have been committing suicide. That's right, taking their own lives. Needless to say, I personally don't know these people, but they were/are friends of friends of mine. Even five-degrees of separation is already very uncomfortable for me.

Mind is blown into smithereens.

I can't fathom the intensity and volume of conscious/unconscious suicidal thoughts that filled someone's mind before deciding that killing themselves was the only solution. Was that the only way? There must've been SOMETHING or someone that could've done something to stop them?! ... right? Life is so precious and so amazing to experience... I don't understand...

How? Why? What went wrong? Who did this to you?

On the news a little while ago, there was a young psychiatrist in Hamilton who took her baby's life and her own life... a psychiatrist?!

A coworker told me her friend's dad committed suicide a couple weeks ago... a well-off, well-loved, near retirement man who over-dosed with anti-depressants and other drugs in his car one seemingly regular day.

My friend just told me today his childhood friend and current colleague jumped onto the tracks after his final med school exam... he was going to be a doctor... people who knew him would've ever guessed him to be suicidal.

... these stories break my heart so much... I wish there was something I can do... =(

my revenge

You asshole.

Did you really think I would stay silent forever? Please. You don't know anything. You deserve to die and rot for the pain you've put me through... but that would be too kind... I want you to suffer and be ripped apart like I was.

I want you and generations after you to have everything loved stripped away – I want you tormented for the shit you did to me. You deserve it. No, YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT! YOU'RE KILLING ME!! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?!

... but do you want to know what hurts me the most?

It's that you don't even care.

You don't care... not one little bit.


If I were mother nature, that's what I'd say to the urban human race.

"The sheer scale of what is now required [to save the planet] has never been attempted and the shortfall between scientific theory and political action remains huge. There is a lot wrong with our world. But it is not as bad as many people think. It is actually worse."
- Michael Meacher, Environment Minister, Newcastle University

Happy Earth Day, Everyone

just give it to me

There is nothing better than honesty. It's a character trait which demands so much, yet gives back so little in comparison.

When it comes to telling the truth, it puts important things on the line... because half the time it gets welcomed by disgust, anger, hatred, pain and judgement. As that saying goes, “You can't handle the [ugly] truth!” People sacrifice relationships/friendships, careers, political gain, pride/ego/reputation, money, safety, etc... only for the sake of exposing the truth. Beautiful. A modern day martyr.

I guess we can sugar coat our statements... you know, make it softer on the ears... but usually that takes a lot of time and beating around the bush. As a stickler for efficiency; less words, more concise phrasing, appropriate timing is greatly appreciated. I'm learning to love, more and more, the world's blunt people.

Honesty, truth, genuineness, frankness, integrity...

In the words of Homer Simpson (taken out of context, of course), “...it's the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.”

cocky jerk.

This entry is going to expose a lot of ugliness I've been trying to keep camouflaged as “friendliness.” It's common, yet unspoken of, as it's chained to judgement. Unfortunately, judgement is warranted here, since it's a pretty damn selfish thing to do/admit to. Think of this as my confession...

*deep breath* Here goes...

I lead guys on and drop them rather quickly (usually as I see fit). I know, what a bitch. Of course, I can't drop a guy who doesn't show interest towards me... so I pursue him a little. Yes, I love the chase too. One might ask whether I'm actually attracted to these guys? At the time – most of the time, but not all the time – I would say yes. The level of attraction grows and shrinks the more interaction there is between he and I. More often than not, it's a descending level of attraction. These guys would then enter into my Friend Zone.

No one gets out of the Friend Zone. Let the record show that I've never dated a good friend... not that it's slim pickin's in there, it's just not something that's happened.

The trend is that I have a one-month cut-off mark. That's the cut-off for the chase and the cut-off mark of when my initial attraction dies completely (i.e. it was nothing more than infatuation). If it goes longer than a month, but the relationship is not “going anywhere” in my eyes or circumstances just don't allow us to communicate often enough; I'd stop chasing suddenly, usually without warning and then the guy inadvertently proceeds into the Friend Zone. Even if the guy likes me back, I make sure “we” can't happen... mainly because I say to myself, “he doesn't know what's best for him, he's blinded by a petty crush. Therefore, to help him get over these emotions, I will cut him out of my life... because that's what I would want him to do for me should the roles be reversed.”

Why do I “toy” with people's feelings? I've narrowed it down to 4 reasons:

• attention
• boredom
• fear of rejection
• filling a void which I can't quite describe (Christians, don't tell me it's God. I know.)

In all fairness, at the time, it's not intentional. I'm not trying to hurt people. It's something I would pickup on after the fact... and quite frankly, it's probably been this way all my life because I never make a conscious effort to change. I'm a lazy cocky jerk. I'm a lazy cocky jerk that will eventually have her heart seriously broken and everyone – including herself – will say she deserved it.

I wait for that day in anticipation... (or maybe I should change my ways...)

(untitled)

My first tears of 2010 fell today...

R.I.P. grandma.

I feel... for the first time in a while... very lonely... her passing has triggered a lot of forgotten emotions... because at this moment, it seems like there's no one I can turn to. No one to hug. No one to tell me it's okay. No one to to just be here.

Who was she? I didn't care to know her while she was with me... and now she's gone. and now I regret so much.

What timing.

A few hours from now, enough time will pass and I will be normal again. Please pray for my family. thanks...

naked man alert

My sleeping patterns have not been so wonky since university days; sleeping at dusk, waking up after lunch, taking naps randomly throughout the day, getting up only to pee and then go back to bed. So now it's almost 3am and I get this exhilarating idea to write about 2009 while in the washroom... and here I am – on blogspot. (Btw, the washroom seems to be the vicinity with my highest volume of great epiphanies and life-changing convictions.)

After a little time of reflection, I'm reminded that I am a person with minimal memories. It would make sense if the doctor dropped me at birth seeing how there's a slight malfunction in my neocortex. I have one word for that doctor: lawsuit.

Nevertheless, I now have to look to other sources for what happened to me in this past year... so this pointless blog entry is basically saying: stay tuned for another post about Julie's perhaps-not-so-memorable 2009 year! ... hum... that's not a convincing way to bring back my readers...

Let's go the media route and do the whole “sex sells” thing by putting up a lovely picture and say in big bold letters:

In my next blog entry, THE SENSORS WILL BE REMOVED!! As I'm sure you're all curious to see this man's beautiful... eyes...

define "bad"

In case you didn't hear – I had a bad day today... it stemmed also from a not-so-good night seeing how I stupidly broke my buddy's ear piece and I was feeling pretty stupid.

Basically, I was good up until 2:45pm. My colleague asked me to help him bring the decorations back from our company Christmas party back to the office. He got stuck doing some volunteering w/ the Care Committee as there were last minute cancels. Thus I agreed.

To make a long story short, after loading the company car from the banquet hall – literally 2 min on the road, I get pulled over for speeding. 81 in a 60. My first speeding ticket. I've only ever had 2 tickets in my life, this was number 2.

Anyway, we get back to the office and as I squat down slowly to put the fragile glass centrepieces on the ground, I rip my pants. Oh yes, the kind of rip that goes straight up the croch and out the back. Yes, make fun of me, I had a good laugh too.

Being the smart girl I am, I took my white cardigan and tied it around my waist. Just like we did back in the highschool days. What I didn't know was that I had cut my hand on something... and I end up getting blood all over it. Good news is that it wasn't cotton, so the blood stain came out well. Yay.

Seeing how the day was sucking, I decided to make myself feel better by putting up the Christmas tree at home. Prior to this day, I was pretty set on not putting it up at all. Anyway, I needed some Christmas songs to brighten the spirit... I got the dust off my old radio, flipped the power button and *silence*... my radio was broken. Got the laptop out, turned on the online radio and it was smooth sailing...

until I test out the Christmas lights... and half of the white ones didn't work. With what was left of these white lights, not half the tree could've been covered. What's a Christmas tree w/out lights? Just a Christmas tree w/out lights, but I was determined to get some glowing action. I pulled out the tacky colourful dollar-store-bought lights from decades ago and tested them... success! There were 5 strands of these colourful lights, just enough to make it look full.

For the past few years, our tree was this sleek, red and silver-themed work of art. The lights were all white and everything on it was from Ikea (therefore, it must be cheap and contemporary)... now with these tiny colourful it-will-burn-your-hand lights, the tree looks like it did back in my elementary school days...

I kinda like it. =)

Bliss not of ignorance

On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I'm a 9... you know, in terms of happiness with life, that is.

More recently, I've been thinking about why that is. Sure, I can cop-out the Christian answer and say, “It's 'cause I know Jesus and He loves me... that's why I'm happy!” ... but really, there's gotta be more to it than that, right? Other Christians should be just as stoked about life too! Unfortunately, from what I've heard, that's not always the case. So what makes me different?

It's come to my attention that I have abnormally low expectations on people. Boyfriends, family members, mentors, teachers/profs, friends, small group... it doesn't phase me too much when things don't work out.

“Water under the bridge! Life moves on! Live & learn,” exclaims Julie!

Is this a good thing or a bad thing? ... I don't know.

PROS

• The volume of disappointments have definitely decreased.
• I'm not upset for extended periods of time.
• Dwelling on things doesn't happen often.
• When people exceed these expectations, I'm super happy! It's like a bonus!
• There aren't too many people on my “bad side.”
• I'm generally not easily offended.
• Good sleep all the time.

CONS

• The impression that I don't care is frequent.
• People are often offended when they figure out how low my expectations are on them.
• My memory is shot. (Because I don't dwell, I forget quickly – almost like cramming for an exam)
• Problems repeat themselves recurrently since I don't remember it happened.

As I type these bullet points, I can't help but feel like this is a very selfish way to live... at the same time, I simply can't help it! Why get hopes up when so many people are just going to disappoint? What happened to commitment and integrity and just blatant honesty?! Humans – myself included – are simply not reliable these days. I'm so pessimistic when it comes to finding a reliable friend, I make me sick. If you have a truly reliable friend; hold onto 'em for dear life because he/she is an endangered specie! Man, how depressing this whole entry is... please someone, prove me wrong! Shut me up!

I guess this is why I'm happy being a Christian – God is the unchanging, unconditionally loving, always present, unfailing, genuinely caring Lord of Everything... and He proved it by giving us His Son Jesus. Thank you, YHWH.

sperm + egg

About 10 hours ago, Theo Gah Bo Tang was born.

He is the offspring of the couple who were the first in my age group to get married and the first to have a child together. Alex and Elly – you guys still amaze me to this day. Congratulations!! =)

As much as I hate to admit this, Theo also makes me feel like I'm getting old. I'm starting to wonder how my eggs are gonna hold out and whether or not a few of them will ever be “hitched”. Am I ever going to have kids? Will he/she be healthy? Am I going to be a good mom?

You're probably thinking I'm too young to be thinking about these things... but I can't help but wonder what my future holds. We humans do fear the unknown. It gives me the shivers to think there is a chance that myself or my husband will be infertile. (I don't believe in jinxing, if you haven't noticed.) I mean, sure, it's not a first date kinda question... but would it be too harsh to say it may affect the longevity of the relationship?

I can just imagine the conversation now...

"BTW *insert name here*, I know we've only been on a few dates... but let's be honest, we don't want to be wasting each others' time if we're not “the One” for each other, right? So I need to know if your boys are workin'. You know, if things work out and we wanna have kids... you DO want to have kids right? How many? What gender(s)? Have you thought of names yet? Anyway, have you gotten this sorta thing checked out? No? What do you mean you're only ___ years old – that's old enough to get this checked! .......... Hey - wait a minute - where you going?! I'm not done!! I HAVE A FEW MORE QUESTIONS!!!" (End Scene)

Man, that's so not sexy.

I'll think about this later.

grandma

At around 2:30pm today, my mom calls my cell at work and says,

Mom – Julie... you're not going anywhere tonight... are you? *sniffs

me – well, I was going to go to volleyball like I do every Friday night. Why? What's up?

Mom – your poa-poa is in the hospital... I want you to go visit her with me...

It's been a while since I felt my heart break like that... a literal sense of something gripping your chest to the point where breathing normally seems to be a little more difficult. My mom doesn't cry in public, so I know when she's sniffing, it's serious. My poa-poa is my grandma on mom's side. She and gong-gong (grandpa) pretty much raised my siblings and I from birth to the end of elementary school back in East York. I love my poa-poa... she says I'm her favourite. =)

Mom had mentioned to me yesterday briefly that poa-poa fell outside, but she assured me that said it wasn't serious. When I went to the hospital today, she seemed okay. My aunt was there and had been there overnight as requested by the patient. I could see in her blood-shot eyes that she was tired and had cried some time before we got to the hospital.

Apparently, my grandma went through a couple hours of an extreme headache that caused her to feel nauseated, made the room spin and the walls seemed to want to crash down onto her. According to my aunt, she was yelling things like it was going to be her last day alive, that the heavens will have to take her life and that she can't stand the suffering here. It was after this incident that she called my mom and thus, mom called me.

While we were there, poa-poa seemed to be doing well: semi-energetic and talkative. She laughed at my jokes and nodded in approval when I told her my work softball team were the champions, it made me happy. =) (I thought this was a funny pic of her - taken probably 7-8 years ago, but she looks the same)

As the 4 of us were talking, the topic of boyfriend came up (go figure). She knew someone from HK who just finished grad school in Toronto and she wanted me to meet him and blah blah blah. I couldn't be too sarcastic with her, so I basically made it come down to: Is he taller than me? Knowing he was from HK, I sorta knew the answer already. HA – dodged the bullet; he was shorter than I! Then they started talking about so-and-so's son that's single or that family friend that is looking for a daughter-in-law, or that guy who is quite handsome, etc etc.

I couldn't escape.

Eventually, I changed the topic... but really... sigh... must it always go back to Single Aging Julie needs a husband? =/

The drive home was quite pleasant. All my childhood memories came back... I remember the days when I was a fat kid who tortured bugs in the backyard all day, walked around Taylor Creek Park with the family, played with rocks and Ninja Turtle figurines... I remember when poa-poa would pick me up from school and everyday I would ask her to buy pizza from Diamond Pizza for me. She did twice of the millions of times I asked. It killed my bro and sis when she said I was such a good child and that they should be as nice as me. Suckers. Little did she know though...

Anyway, it was a good visit. She will be there for a few more days, I think.

For those who believe in God, please pray for her... for those who don't, please pray also as I think God will hear you too. =) Thanks

Goodbye Mr. Perfect

Back to anti-relationship mode.

... what was I thinking?! o_O

Hello Mr. Perfect

Today, a friend (who's name I won't disclose as I didn't get their permission to “expose” them on a public domain) and I had an in depth conversation about relationships, desired traits of our signification others and non-negotiable attributes... amongst other things... and I realized something just an hour ago: as much as I say I'm not looking to be in a relationship, I am looking! This is the point where my best friend would respond in an outlandish way, “JULES - NOOOOOO!!!”

Maybe it was the baby shower; maybe it was the quiet reflective drive back home; maybe it was the sappy songs I played over and over again on my cell; or maybe the fact that all my peers are dating/engaged/married... or maybe I just finally stopped lying to myself: I think I want to be in a relationship? Indeed, my realization is in question form. Who knows, I may switch back to anti-relationship-mode tomorrow... you know how it is with us insecure-about-relationship-types. One day we're skimming our facebook for single/not-so-bad-looking guy friends which of whom you mysteriously want to contact after months (or in some cases; years) of silence – the next day we're gagging at every couple we see holding hands and rolling-eyes at any person who says they have a friend who they think you may be interested in...

Seriously though, who am I trying to kid? Everyone woman wants someone to want them. Sure, that doesn't necessarily mean you need to be in a relationship to fulfil that “want”, but it does provide HUGE peace of mind that someone out there actually does want us... and he'll tell you that through his words and actions everyday. Doesn't that just melt your heart? Isn't that just beautiful? .... Man, I'm turning into such a sap! Someone please slap me!

Perhaps it will do me/us good if I listed out all the reasons why I shouldn't/can't be in a relationship now... get my head straight:

1. My schedule is packed 6-days/a wk and a month in advance... day and night... and I'm unwilling to change any of the commitments I already made to “fit” the BF in. It's almost selfish of me to ask him to conform to my agenda just so we can see each other!
2. I have extremely low expectations on people. It's good and bad, I guess. Good because it wouldn't phase me much if he suddenly cancelled our date, showed up late, didn't call one night, forgot my birthday, or forgot our anniversary, etc. Bad because ... well, it doesn't seem like I care? I think I do care, but I just don't know how to express it well? I'm still figuring this out.
3. Picky Julie. The man needs to be perfect or darn near close to it for me to give even a second glace or the time of day for small talk.
4. It's difficult for me to see what's driving this sensation of wanting to be hitched. Is it society? Is it natural human desire? Is it mom, friends, celebrities, media influencing me? Understanding why I am the way I am is important to me so when I don't know what's going on upstairs, I usual refrain from executing those feelings. I don't understand emotions. o_O
5. I was just kidding about #3. Perfection doesn't exist... gotta be realistic. We need obviously need to mould them into the person we want them to be. Haha (j/k again!)
6. My so-called “celebrity crushes” are either out of my league or – due to external factors – are untouchable. Can't be wondering around forbidden territory, right? Most of the good ones are already taken or are in the minds/hearts of another friend... and according to The Relationship Code of Conduct: Thou shall not tap he who is crushed-on by your fellow sister (without her permission and blessings).

I'll stop there. Anything else I list will be a bi-product of my strange perception of what dating/courting ought to be.

Just for kicks, I'm going to list my non-negotiable traits my man must have (if you believe you have more than 95% of these characteristics, please drop me a line... or eat a slice of humble pie!! haha j/k):

• 100% biologically male
• Christian & cares about his spiritual well-being
• Great sense of humour
• Good conversationist (therefore, also a good listener)
• Confident
• Honest to the bone: no white lies, no sugar coating, clear sarcasm/over-exaggerations/jokes... e.g. if you're having a bad day, and I ask how you're doing, and you say “fine.” To me, that's a lie. If you don't want to talk about it, just say so! =)
• Outgoing and sociable. Sorry, I can't babysit you at a party.
• Cares about the greater good (nothing's hotter than seeing a guy enthusiastically volunteering somewhere)
• Same maturity level as me
• Not lazy
• Family oriented and respects their elders
• Talks out their problems when it happens (i.e. Not bottling things up and then exploding with a million small things that put you over the top) and knowing when an issue just needs to be slept on and talked out the next day when emotions calm down.
• Stoked about life! No one wants a debbie-downer-party-pooper who just wants to vent and complain all day long about whatever. Suck it up, let it go, and enjoy the things you do have! Life is GOOD! =)
• and of course, absolutely gorgeous

Okay Mr. Perfect – come to Julie! =)

Side note: I lost my silver belt today. If you see it, please let me know. o_O It should be around ETCBC somewhere... =(