future

Some people have asked me what I plan to do after I graduate my Health/Healthcare Management program in York. Ideally, I plan to go directly into U of T’s Health Services Organization and Management graduate program for my Masters in Science.

To get in, I need at least a B+ standing in the last two years of study, two confidential letters of reference, and a statement of interest in health services research and a description of the specific areas of research I would like to pursue.

It doesn’t seem too difficult to do... but I could be terribly wrong. o_O

If I can’t get in, then I’ll try to get a job; something low on the hierarchy to get my foot in the door. Eventually, I plan to do my Masters as a part-time student while I work.

I’m confident that this is what God wants me to do... if I turn out to be wrong, than I’m sure He’ll close some doors of opportunity.

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RANDOM:

Last week I tried a new flavour of Pocky! Black sesame. There’s this new chocolate powdered one I plan to get soon. YAY!

I’m itching to go snowboarding. Keith, Will and I plan to go to Horseshoe this Sunday after service if the weather is good. Anyone else want in? $29+tax for 8-hrs lift tickets from Costco!

Finalized new years resolution is to get abs.

Don’t know what to do for the summer... -_-“ Softball? No softball? If yes softball, than where? Plan to go on missions, but where? ~sigh~ so much to pray about...

Where’s the missing pot?!

Christians vs Christians

It’s ironic that hypocrites are usually the ones who dislike hypocrites.

Allow me to explain. I have a theory that states that only those to claim there is an absolute right and wrong can be hypocrites. With absolutes, there is no room for in-between judgments that say a certain action is okay sometimes and not others. In the case of sin, it’s never okay; sin is sin no matter in what context. And who are the ones who preach about sin and what’s right and wrong? Christians.

The whole notion of not “practicing what you preach” and hypocrisy is something, I feel, only Christians (along w/ other beliefs that hold absolute divinity) can do. We say what’s “wrong” is always wrong, while everyone else usually feels there are exceptions thus what’s “wrong” doesn’t always mean it’s wrong in explicit situations.

For example, stealing:

Christians – stealing is a sin; God wouldn’t put you in a situation where your only choice was to steal. Therefore stealing is always wrong.

Non-Christians – stealing is morally wrong, but it’s different if someone is stealing bread for their starving family. Therefore stealing is usually wrong.

What gets me the most is when Christians call other Christians hypocrites. I will be the first to admit that I did it and am in the midst of changing. But really, who are we to say “so-and-so is a hypocrite, how can they call themselves Christians?”

“He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” - John 8:7.

Are you really that arrogant to say you’ve never sinned or went against your word?

We preach:
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13
-> but we still hold grudges and cannot forgive

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” - Philippians 2:3
-> but we’re still selfish and arrogant

I had originally planned to keep going with this, but the more I look up and refute... the lower I feel. I’m sure you get the point. Looks like the only true representation of Christianity is Jesus... now if every non-believer could look past the Christians and see God in all His glory, I bet there would be a much bigger Christian population.

power of fun

I'm having too much fun to blog... too much fun to focus... too much fun to want to slow down and appreciate whatever it is I'm enjoying so much

getting worried.

btw, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Tremblant moments:

• Amazing weather & snow conditions
• Dennis is an official member of the Century Club
• Successful and unsuccessful attempts of jumping off snow humps
• Passing the Jumping Title Belt b/w me and Ming
• Doing 180’s!
• 2-on-1 wrestling... should’ve been 1-on-1 >=o(
• Juicy, olive oil/salt/pepper steak & potato dinner
• Accomplishing my first major bluff in poker
• Tobogganing down with snowboards
• Hiking up the road to the chalet -_-"
• Interesting conversations during the car-rides
• Taking naps everywhere we go
• Stupid strike

And all the small things...ah, good times

^__^

realizations + crazy

My back is covered with knots, my legs are moisturized, my oblique(s) is/are sore, and my back is wet, and now I’m going to be disgustingly honest...

I started off pretty bitter because I was asked to shovel my driveway (the only one of my siblings, mind you). So as I was doing it, the rest of my family left for various reasons. Then it hit me; I should be grateful to have a driveway. After that, I was pretty happy – singing Christmas carols pretty loudly and saying hi to all my neighbours who walked past me.

And then, another realization occurred. I should be thankful for my neighbours too! So when I was done my driveway; I happily shoveled my neighbours’ driveways on either side of my house. This accounts for the knots and muscle pains.

To celebrate this momentous day, I decided to leave my mark by lying around leaving my body print all over the place (if you go past my house, you’ll know what I’m talking about). So lying there, waiting for my pants to soak through with melted snow, I watched the clouds pass... haven’t done that in a while. It was nice... people probably thought I was nuts, but oh well.

Snow sticks to cotton well. I had cotton pants on. When I finally came in the house, I brought so much snow in, my mom will think I carried armfuls of snow inside... o_O. I couldn't just walk around w/ super snow-covered pants so I took ‘em off by the front doors.

So I was prancing around the house in my underwear when I realized something else.
I haven’t been playing any sports --> no need to wear shorts --> no need to take care of legs. Therefore you can imagine the 2 things that happened:
1. they’ve become hairy.
2. they’ve become dry.
As you can see from the first line of this blog, I only solved one of these 2 problems... *ha ha* Oh yeah, who’s hot now? =oP

Why is my back wet? Because I was sweating. Period. Speaking of which, I’m going to shower now. Maybe I’ll shave... but I guess that’ll be another blog entry... BYE!

new years resolution?

So far, I have yet to successfully accomplish a new year’s resolution. Let’s recap on some of these failures I’ve made in the past (I can’t remember which years these were from or even if they were just goals I set for myself every so often):

• Not to say, “You wanna fight about it?!” to anyone
• Weigh less than ___ (this number increases as the years pass)
• No swearing. By swearing I mean words Jerry Springer censors on daytime TV
• Not buy clothing for myself
• Do devotionals at least once a day
• No watching more than 1 hour of TV a day <-- this one I actually did, but over a span of a few years

That’s about all I can remember. For this coming year, my potential new year’s resolutions are:

• No deep fried food
• No coffee
• Make someone laugh at least once a day
• Learn how to play a new musical instrument (well)
• Relearn piano chords/scales
• No sleeping in class

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That’s all I got so far. Feel free to tell me any more suggestions. I didn’t include anything “spiritual” this time because I’m hoping I would do those things anyway... o_O Hope that works out.

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On a side note, I’ve discovered my eyesight has gotten worse. I should really get it checked out and get a new prescription. Also, I’ve been feeling like I should be visiting a dentist soon (it’s been over 6 years since my last check-up... gross, eh? I hope flossing worked) – I’ll be talking to Tracy about this. =oP

One more thing, there are parties in the Subway trains. My friend just told me about it… and since I don’t know how to make a button that links to the site, here it is: www.newmindspace.com/ridethereindeer.php
There’s a party happening tonight, actually. If you go, please, take pics.

I want to be obsessed with God... is that too much to ask?

all of God's sheep

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m confining myself to a Christian community that’s mainly (almost only) Chinese. I want to browse churches that are multicultural that don’t have any classification as to what ethnicity people are... no more Chinese Baptist church, Chinese Christian softball, or Chinese Christian fellowship (although I don’t attend the CCF at York due to my class schedule, but I’m sure if I were able to go to one of York’s Christian groups, it would be the Chinese one). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being a part of these groups, it’s just personally, I feel like I should see what else there is outside the Chinese community.

And hence this post... I’m trying to step out of my box and remind myself and everyone that Christ is present in many cultures. The only things separating us are the physical structures we choose to worship in.

They're in alphabetical order (funny that Chinese was the first one on the list). I'm missing many other languages, so if you know of any other ways of writing "God's sheep", please let me know. Thanks. =o)

york in all its stupid glory

FIX THE ATKINSON COURSE WEB SITES!!
FIX THE ATKINSON COURSE WEB SITES!!

this is absolutely ridiculous! it is exam time and we can't access the course website!! why the hell do we pay tuition for this garbage??

myself and every other student who is and will be affected by this idiocy will make this complaint heard because it directly effects our educational success.

absolutely ridiculous.

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That is exactly what I wrote to technical support! I can’t sign into any of my course websites; consequently, not allowing me to see any exam details, lecture notes, or anything else my professors posted up! And this doesn’t simply affect me – everyone in my program I talked to can’t sign in either!

For the love of God... WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!? ARRGGGG!!!

perverted byproducts

Something I’ve been seeing a lot these days is just how “ghetto” youths are. And I don’t mean this just in their outfits, but also the personality and the speech that comes with it.

• No one says “hi” anymore, it’s all “yo” this or “yo” that.
• Little teenaged boys calling their friends homies or brothers or whatever
• Not using indicative participles (i.e. “to be”). So instead of saying “I am” or “we were” or “she is”, it would all be: “I be”, “we be”, “she be”. For example, instead of saying, “we are hanging out with my friends.” It is, “we be chillin’ wid mah homies”
• How are you? --> What’s up? --> Sup? --> Whatchu sayin’? ... it may have changed again, but I’m not hip enough to know. o_O
• The “I’m too cool for school” attitude is more prevalent now, as I heard from my friend who taught high school students

Most of these things don't bother me, they're just observations. But what tops the list is how dang perverted kids/teens are these days. Literally, perverted. Disgusting. Junior high students having sex; throwing rainbow parties; girls pretending to be lesbians to get guys’ attention; girls wearing revealing “clubbing” clothing to school; FREAKIN’ oral sex in public washrooms; and guys encouraging it!! I am so revolted by this reality that it makes me sick.

Sometimes I don’t blame the youths for being the way they are. I blame the damn media; passing off that “sex sells” garbage like it’s a good excuse. Profit-driven fools. I hope they’re not surprised when they discover their 11 year old granddaughter wants another abortion.

ah finally... (random stuff)

Last week was like a tree falling on baby ducks. Gravity represents the inevitableness of the situation; the tree is the heavy load of work/tests and; the baby ducks are the students that had to suffer because of it.

Something I wasn’t too impressed with, however, was that my eating abilities have plummeted. I feel so fragile and girly. Like some kind of giant, overgrown hamster that eats the same amount as its little hamster friends. It’s not a bad thing to eat less... but I had so much pride in how much I could down and now it’s been stripped away from me like Hulk Hogan’s yellow tank top.

Lately, I have also been itching to snowboard. I think I had a dream about it. Too bad the snow’s all gone now... many people are pretty happy about it since it’s warmer. But you want to know what I think? How much a person likes winter is dependant on how much they keep themselves warm outside. If they don’t wear enough clothing; they'll complain that it’s cold; therefore, dislike winter. We need to onion-up with layers!

One more thing: Christmas season starts earlier and earlier. It’s a marketing scam! Stop taking the meaning out of Christmas by masking it with the need to give gifts! That’s not what Christmas is about; put the “Christ” back in “Christmas”!

"Fun With Numbers" -W.J.

--> something I saw on Will Jung's blog... some of my the answers are the same because they seemed like a good fit.

TEN things you might not know about me:
1. I have 5 fillings on 3 teeth
2. I was considered “gifted” in grade 4 judging from some test, but my family couldn’t afford to put me in a private/gifted school.
3. My longest crush lasted 6 years
4. I like eating bananas that still have green on each end
5. I have a bad sense of smell
6. I have the most epiphanies while in the washroom
7. I've never broken any bones
8. I have a horrible memory
9. I have killed many bugs with my bare hands
10. The first boy I kissed was in grade 7

NINE places I've visited:
1. China/HK
2. Nicaragua
3. States (Chinese bus tour)
4. Ottawa
5. Kingston
6. Kitchener
7. Brampton
8. Collingwood
9. Mississauga

EIGHT things I want to do before I die (I’ve said these before):
1. Finish reading the Bible thoroughly
2. Have a school named after me
3. Open a dessert/ice cream/coffeeshop lounge place
4. Write a novel
5. Try all the different Pocky flavours in the world
6. Travel around the world (Esp. Europe & Japan)
7. Learn how to swim
8. Be able to jump and touch the rim of a bball net (3 more inches!)

SEVEN ways to win my heart:
1. give me lots of attention
2. going out of your way to help others in need
3. able to hold an intellectual conversation for a long time
4. very athletic and outgoing & better than me in at least one sport
5. opinionated & has strong beliefs
6. understanding & accepting of others
7. has God at the top of their priority list; not me

SIX things I'm afraid of:
1. my family & friends dying before they know Christ
2. getting lost in a foreign place
3. finding out everything I lived for was a lie
4. raising my kids in an even more corrupt world
5. being responsible for someone else’s death
6. discovering I wasted my life, not fulfilling what was set out for me

FIVE things I don't like:
1. liars/hypocrites
2. repetitive noises
3. injustice
4. people who don’t value their family
5. smoking

FOUR ways to turn me off:
1. constantly acting homosexual if you’re heterosexual
2. gossip
3. overly concerned about their (& my) appearance
4. being inconsiderate

THREE things I do every day:
1. go online
2. wonder what people are doing
3. pray

TWO things I'm trying NOT to do right now:
1. procrastinate
2. chat on msn

ONE thing on my mind right now:
1. Ski trip to Tremblant & Blue

if we died

Today was the most moving prayer meeting I could remember. Basically, all 3 small groups met together and prayed for our brother Willie and his mother... oh, how genuine each prayer was! (You can count on me to be praying for you and your family, Willie.) But why is it that we only meet together to earnestly seek and cry out to God when something “bad” happens?

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I became conscious again today, that I undervalue everything I have; everyone I know. UGH!! I’m so frustrated with myself that it makes me sick! I just blogged about how I took my mom for granted and here I am again... right back at the beginning. When will I learn?!

I was reminded once more that our days are numbered... we won’t be alive forever. Not in this existence at least. I ask myself, “If I were to die tomorrow, what would I do differently?” The answer is a list that I can’t acknowledge - one that I can’t live out because I’m too fixed on what I see in front of me now. What if my mom were to die tomorrow? What if my siblings did? What would I change? Even in asking these questions I’m simply concerned with the people in my inner circle! Everyone on this Earth is a child of God; my siblings. Should I not be concerned? SHOULD I NOT BE CONCERNED?!

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DYING EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT??? Absolutely nothing.

What scares me is that; the possibility of the end being near for those I love, is even a possibility at all. When will I change? When will I learn? ... please, tell me when...

Lion funnies

I woke up this morning and I started thinking about this picture... and I started laughing to myself! *heh heh* oh Eugene and Sam... too funny. I'm laughing as I type because I keep looking at this pic! ^_____^

(last night my internet broke down so I used my time looking through all my digi pics)


Okay, I know this picture is very inappropriate, but it's FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

BTW, Chai Chi’s hand isn’t actually touching her. Sorry Mabel, I had to show people. I think I would post the pic if it were me. *ha*

catching up

Some things I did recently I haven’t done ever or haven’t done in a while:

• Played piano (my hands were so cold by the end they turned numb and I couldn’t move fast enough for certain songs)
• Drank soy milk
• Text msged an old friend
• Took pictures with my family
• Went to Monday night volleyball (and I didn’t swear at all! Sadly to say, it’s something I struggle with while playing)
• Woke up at 1:45 pm
• Taught a Sunday school class
• Went on Friendster
• Kissed mother

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Some things I want to do soon:

• Have coffee with someone and just allow life to slow down
• Watch a movie
• Make-right with people I’m not right with
• Go to the gym or jog
• Go snowboarding
• Read Angels and Demons
• Discover more Pocky flavors
• Simmer in a hot bubble bath
• Finish all my school work

Grand

Never immersed in a love so deep
Stretched beyond all mountains’ peak
Never in this world that I would seek
Called for this heart to plunge so meek

Reigning over all sin’s deceptive veil
Blind eyes released on victory’s sail
No longer anchored by misleading fib tales
God’s wind will triumph and will not fail

Hesitant trust carries a cynical glare
Astounded to find a Man on this earth so rare
Bestow us faith; remove this stubborn layer
Expose and find there is a genuine prayer

Powerful yet merciful conveyed through His grace
His fallen, willful children He will still embrace
Despite denials, rejections, and love for sin’s taste
He still came to us; to this malevolent place

Love and peace no poem can express
Opened a joy only Satan detests
Unattainable by our worldly success
Oh, Infinite Lord, you shall not be repressed!

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So I decided to slack off by writing this poem (took me about a week).
To be honest, I had started the poem with the intention of writing it for Brian, but then after the first line, I thought it was too worship-like so I wrote the rest for God.
“That’s all I have to say about that.” --> the words of a good man.

sighs all around

I’m flooded with work for the next 3 weeks, but I can’t concentrate...

Brian’s going to be doing his clinical in Kitchener in April and he’ll be gone for a year.

He asked me yesterday if I would cry if he wasn’t going to be in-town for clinical; of course, I said no. After all, there was an 82% chance of being placed somewhere in Toronto. Not only was he NOT placed in Toronto, but he’s also last on the waiting list. I was considering to get “rid” of a few people who were ahead of him in the waiting list, but I think ridding 5 people would be too much work.

Well, I was wrong about the crying thing. ~sigh~

I know we’ll still be able to talk every now and then, and see each other maybe once a month or something, but what scares me the most is not having him here to keep me accountable. I don’t trust myself enough to be comfortable with him leaving... I’m freaking weak I tell you! Even some of the things I was capable of doing while he was still here were rather “bad”... now they’ll be a million times worse and more tempting if he leaves! What will I do?! OH THE HUMANITY!!

ETCBC – Titus – small group – accountability partners --> I am going to lean on you guys like a fat kid against a wall after a 10 mile run.

I only recently got used to seeing him more... and now it’s being taken away... he’s leaving...

Sponge-ing

I did something today that I’ve never done before... I call it sponge-ing, others may call it “mopping.” I didn’t use a mop, I used a sponge-with-a-stick-attached, so it’s not quite “mopping” – you wouldn’t use a pen to highlight things and call it highlighting; it’d be crossing things out. So yup, I sponged my kitchen floor today for the first time in the 20 years I’ve been alive. I don’t even think I did it properly (if there’s a proper way)… I just splashed dish-soapy water around and wiped it up with the sponge contraption.

Some trivial things I learned:

• I learned the location of the sponge-thing
• Don’t use too much soap – it gets too unnecessary bubbly and it takes forever to rinse and dry.
• Splash soapy water as you go – don’t be an idiot and splash the whole floor first because then your feet gets wet.
• Take the things out of the kitchen that you’ll need later – prevents you from needing to re-enter while the floor is still wet.

Some significant things I learned:

• I’ve taken for granted the fact that I have a house to live in and take care of – there are so many people who do not have shelter at all... and here I am, whining about the rooms I need to clean and too lazy to keep things uncluttered.
• I never realized how many things my mother had to do to keep the house clean and tidy... it’s absolutely frustrating when I’m the one cleaning for me and my siblings and they don’t care enough to help out. Now I can truly empathize with her when she does all the chores without any of her children to lend a hand

It’s true what they say, you never know what you have until it’s gone.

breaking down

I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing
You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them I
nstead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

(Song: Be Magnified by Lynn Deshazo)
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LORD, FORGIVE ME!!

I don’t think I’ve been so impacted by song lyrics in a long time... probably since TC 2000 when I accepted Christ. I didn’t think I’d get so emotional, but I did (I don't usually admit to this). It’s because in the midst of singing, the words told my story. It’s funny how songs can touch and relate to a person so personally; so sacredly.

I was thinking just now, it’s sad that I need to break down every single day for me to appreciate just how awesome God is... and when I don't, I lose sight of how beautiful He really is...

more

Once upon a time, there lived a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow...

The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, a knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife’s slain body in his arms.

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This story was written in this novel I’m reading, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. A simple, ironic story that brings out the complexity of greed – I thought it was brilliant and thus I share it with you.
It amazing what some people would do for more things... we just want more. More what? More of anything we can get our hands on. But I find that the things we need more of, we can't touch and don't ask for. Such as love, respect, dignity, wisdom, control, patience, peace, the list goes on and on... fascinating.