Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Hello Mr. Perfect

Today, a friend (who's name I won't disclose as I didn't get their permission to “expose” them on a public domain) and I had an in depth conversation about relationships, desired traits of our signification others and non-negotiable attributes... amongst other things... and I realized something just an hour ago: as much as I say I'm not looking to be in a relationship, I am looking! This is the point where my best friend would respond in an outlandish way, “JULES - NOOOOOO!!!”

Maybe it was the baby shower; maybe it was the quiet reflective drive back home; maybe it was the sappy songs I played over and over again on my cell; or maybe the fact that all my peers are dating/engaged/married... or maybe I just finally stopped lying to myself: I think I want to be in a relationship? Indeed, my realization is in question form. Who knows, I may switch back to anti-relationship-mode tomorrow... you know how it is with us insecure-about-relationship-types. One day we're skimming our facebook for single/not-so-bad-looking guy friends which of whom you mysteriously want to contact after months (or in some cases; years) of silence – the next day we're gagging at every couple we see holding hands and rolling-eyes at any person who says they have a friend who they think you may be interested in...

Seriously though, who am I trying to kid? Everyone woman wants someone to want them. Sure, that doesn't necessarily mean you need to be in a relationship to fulfil that “want”, but it does provide HUGE peace of mind that someone out there actually does want us... and he'll tell you that through his words and actions everyday. Doesn't that just melt your heart? Isn't that just beautiful? .... Man, I'm turning into such a sap! Someone please slap me!

Perhaps it will do me/us good if I listed out all the reasons why I shouldn't/can't be in a relationship now... get my head straight:

  1. My schedule is packed 6-days/a wk and a month in advance... day and night... and I'm unwilling to change any of the commitments I already made to “fit” the BF in. It's almost selfish of me to ask him to conform to my agenda just so we can see each other!
  2. I have extremely low expectations on people. It's good and bad, I guess. Good because it wouldn't phase me much if he suddenly cancelled our date, showed up late, didn't call one night, forgot my birthday, or forgot our anniversary, etc. Bad because ... well, it doesn't seem like I care? I think I do care, but I just don't know how to express it well? I'm still figuring this out.
  3. Picky Julie. The man needs to be perfect or darn near close to it for me to give even a second glace or the time of day for small talk.
  4. It's difficult for me to see what's driving this sensation of wanting to be hitched. Is it society? Is it natural human desire? Is it mom, friends, celebrities, media influencing me? Understanding why I am the way I am is important to me so when I don't know what's going on upstairs, I usual refrain from executing those feelings. I don't understand emotions. o_O
  5. I was just kidding about #3. Perfection doesn't exist... gotta be realistic. We need obviously need to mould them into the person we want them to be. Haha (j/k again!)
  6. My so-called “celebrity crushes” are either out of my league or – due to external factors – are untouchable. Can't be wondering around forbidden territory, right? Most of the good ones are already taken or are in the minds/hearts of another friend... and according to The Relationship Code of Conduct: Thou shall not tap he who is crushed-on by your fellow sister (without her permission and blessings).

I'll stop there. Anything else I list will be a bi-product of my strange perception of what dating/courting ought to be.

Just for kicks, I'm going to list my non-negotiable traits my man must have (if you believe you have more than 95% of these characteristics, please drop me a line... or eat a slice of humble pie!! haha j/k):

  • 100% biologically male
  • Christian & cares about his spiritual well-being
  • Great sense of humour
  • Good conversationist (therefore, also a good listener)
  • Confident
  • Honest to the bone: no white lies, no sugar coating, clear sarcasm/over-exaggerations/jokes... e.g. if you're having a bad day, and I ask how you're doing, and you say “fine.” To me, that's a lie. If you don't want to talk about it, just say so! =)
  • Outgoing and sociable. Sorry, I can't babysit you at a party.
  • Cares about the greater good (nothing's hotter than seeing a guy enthusiastically volunteering somewhere)
  • Same maturity level as me
  • Not lazy
  • Family oriented and respects their elders
  • Talks out their problems when it happens (i.e. Not bottling things up and then exploding with a million small things that put you over the top) and knowing when an issue just needs to be slept on and talked out the next day when emotions calm down.
  • Stoked about life! No one wants a debbie-downer-party-pooper who just wants to vent and complain all day long about whatever. Suck it up, let it go, and enjoy the things you do have! Life is GOOD! =)
  • and of course, absolutely gorgeous

Okay Mr. Perfect – come to Julie! =)

Side note: I lost my silver belt today. If you see it, please let me know. o_O It should be around ETCBC somewhere... =(