power of fun

I'm having too much fun to blog... too much fun to focus... too much fun to want to slow down and appreciate whatever it is I'm enjoying so much

getting worried.

btw, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Tremblant moments:

• Amazing weather & snow conditions
• Dennis is an official member of the Century Club
• Successful and unsuccessful attempts of jumping off snow humps
• Passing the Jumping Title Belt b/w me and Ming
• Doing 180’s!
• 2-on-1 wrestling... should’ve been 1-on-1 >=o(
• Juicy, olive oil/salt/pepper steak & potato dinner
• Accomplishing my first major bluff in poker
• Tobogganing down with snowboards
• Hiking up the road to the chalet -_-"
• Interesting conversations during the car-rides
• Taking naps everywhere we go
• Stupid strike

And all the small things...ah, good times

^__^

realizations + crazy

My back is covered with knots, my legs are moisturized, my oblique(s) is/are sore, and my back is wet, and now I’m going to be disgustingly honest...

I started off pretty bitter because I was asked to shovel my driveway (the only one of my siblings, mind you). So as I was doing it, the rest of my family left for various reasons. Then it hit me; I should be grateful to have a driveway. After that, I was pretty happy – singing Christmas carols pretty loudly and saying hi to all my neighbours who walked past me.

And then, another realization occurred. I should be thankful for my neighbours too! So when I was done my driveway; I happily shoveled my neighbours’ driveways on either side of my house. This accounts for the knots and muscle pains.

To celebrate this momentous day, I decided to leave my mark by lying around leaving my body print all over the place (if you go past my house, you’ll know what I’m talking about). So lying there, waiting for my pants to soak through with melted snow, I watched the clouds pass... haven’t done that in a while. It was nice... people probably thought I was nuts, but oh well.

Snow sticks to cotton well. I had cotton pants on. When I finally came in the house, I brought so much snow in, my mom will think I carried armfuls of snow inside... o_O. I couldn't just walk around w/ super snow-covered pants so I took ‘em off by the front doors.

So I was prancing around the house in my underwear when I realized something else.
I haven’t been playing any sports --> no need to wear shorts --> no need to take care of legs. Therefore you can imagine the 2 things that happened:
1. they’ve become hairy.
2. they’ve become dry.
As you can see from the first line of this blog, I only solved one of these 2 problems... *ha ha* Oh yeah, who’s hot now? =oP

Why is my back wet? Because I was sweating. Period. Speaking of which, I’m going to shower now. Maybe I’ll shave... but I guess that’ll be another blog entry... BYE!

new years resolution?

So far, I have yet to successfully accomplish a new year’s resolution. Let’s recap on some of these failures I’ve made in the past (I can’t remember which years these were from or even if they were just goals I set for myself every so often):

• Not to say, “You wanna fight about it?!” to anyone
• Weigh less than ___ (this number increases as the years pass)
• No swearing. By swearing I mean words Jerry Springer censors on daytime TV
• Not buy clothing for myself
• Do devotionals at least once a day
• No watching more than 1 hour of TV a day <-- this one I actually did, but over a span of a few years

That’s about all I can remember. For this coming year, my potential new year’s resolutions are:

• No deep fried food
• No coffee
• Make someone laugh at least once a day
• Learn how to play a new musical instrument (well)
• Relearn piano chords/scales
• No sleeping in class

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That’s all I got so far. Feel free to tell me any more suggestions. I didn’t include anything “spiritual” this time because I’m hoping I would do those things anyway... o_O Hope that works out.

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On a side note, I’ve discovered my eyesight has gotten worse. I should really get it checked out and get a new prescription. Also, I’ve been feeling like I should be visiting a dentist soon (it’s been over 6 years since my last check-up... gross, eh? I hope flossing worked) – I’ll be talking to Tracy about this. =oP

One more thing, there are parties in the Subway trains. My friend just told me about it… and since I don’t know how to make a button that links to the site, here it is: www.newmindspace.com/ridethereindeer.php
There’s a party happening tonight, actually. If you go, please, take pics.

I want to be obsessed with God... is that too much to ask?

all of God's sheep

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m confining myself to a Christian community that’s mainly (almost only) Chinese. I want to browse churches that are multicultural that don’t have any classification as to what ethnicity people are... no more Chinese Baptist church, Chinese Christian softball, or Chinese Christian fellowship (although I don’t attend the CCF at York due to my class schedule, but I’m sure if I were able to go to one of York’s Christian groups, it would be the Chinese one). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being a part of these groups, it’s just personally, I feel like I should see what else there is outside the Chinese community.

And hence this post... I’m trying to step out of my box and remind myself and everyone that Christ is present in many cultures. The only things separating us are the physical structures we choose to worship in.

They're in alphabetical order (funny that Chinese was the first one on the list). I'm missing many other languages, so if you know of any other ways of writing "God's sheep", please let me know. Thanks. =o)

york in all its stupid glory

FIX THE ATKINSON COURSE WEB SITES!!
FIX THE ATKINSON COURSE WEB SITES!!

this is absolutely ridiculous! it is exam time and we can't access the course website!! why the hell do we pay tuition for this garbage??

myself and every other student who is and will be affected by this idiocy will make this complaint heard because it directly effects our educational success.

absolutely ridiculous.

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That is exactly what I wrote to technical support! I can’t sign into any of my course websites; consequently, not allowing me to see any exam details, lecture notes, or anything else my professors posted up! And this doesn’t simply affect me – everyone in my program I talked to can’t sign in either!

For the love of God... WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!? ARRGGGG!!!

perverted byproducts

Something I’ve been seeing a lot these days is just how “ghetto” youths are. And I don’t mean this just in their outfits, but also the personality and the speech that comes with it.

• No one says “hi” anymore, it’s all “yo” this or “yo” that.
• Little teenaged boys calling their friends homies or brothers or whatever
• Not using indicative participles (i.e. “to be”). So instead of saying “I am” or “we were” or “she is”, it would all be: “I be”, “we be”, “she be”. For example, instead of saying, “we are hanging out with my friends.” It is, “we be chillin’ wid mah homies”
• How are you? --> What’s up? --> Sup? --> Whatchu sayin’? ... it may have changed again, but I’m not hip enough to know. o_O
• The “I’m too cool for school” attitude is more prevalent now, as I heard from my friend who taught high school students

Most of these things don't bother me, they're just observations. But what tops the list is how dang perverted kids/teens are these days. Literally, perverted. Disgusting. Junior high students having sex; throwing rainbow parties; girls pretending to be lesbians to get guys’ attention; girls wearing revealing “clubbing” clothing to school; FREAKIN’ oral sex in public washrooms; and guys encouraging it!! I am so revolted by this reality that it makes me sick.

Sometimes I don’t blame the youths for being the way they are. I blame the damn media; passing off that “sex sells” garbage like it’s a good excuse. Profit-driven fools. I hope they’re not surprised when they discover their 11 year old granddaughter wants another abortion.

ah finally... (random stuff)

Last week was like a tree falling on baby ducks. Gravity represents the inevitableness of the situation; the tree is the heavy load of work/tests and; the baby ducks are the students that had to suffer because of it.

Something I wasn’t too impressed with, however, was that my eating abilities have plummeted. I feel so fragile and girly. Like some kind of giant, overgrown hamster that eats the same amount as its little hamster friends. It’s not a bad thing to eat less... but I had so much pride in how much I could down and now it’s been stripped away from me like Hulk Hogan’s yellow tank top.

Lately, I have also been itching to snowboard. I think I had a dream about it. Too bad the snow’s all gone now... many people are pretty happy about it since it’s warmer. But you want to know what I think? How much a person likes winter is dependant on how much they keep themselves warm outside. If they don’t wear enough clothing; they'll complain that it’s cold; therefore, dislike winter. We need to onion-up with layers!

One more thing: Christmas season starts earlier and earlier. It’s a marketing scam! Stop taking the meaning out of Christmas by masking it with the need to give gifts! That’s not what Christmas is about; put the “Christ” back in “Christmas”!

"Fun With Numbers" -W.J.

--> something I saw on Will Jung's blog... some of my the answers are the same because they seemed like a good fit.

TEN things you might not know about me:
1. I have 5 fillings on 3 teeth
2. I was considered “gifted” in grade 4 judging from some test, but my family couldn’t afford to put me in a private/gifted school.
3. My longest crush lasted 6 years
4. I like eating bananas that still have green on each end
5. I have a bad sense of smell
6. I have the most epiphanies while in the washroom
7. I've never broken any bones
8. I have a horrible memory
9. I have killed many bugs with my bare hands
10. The first boy I kissed was in grade 7

NINE places I've visited:
1. China/HK
2. Nicaragua
3. States (Chinese bus tour)
4. Ottawa
5. Kingston
6. Kitchener
7. Brampton
8. Collingwood
9. Mississauga

EIGHT things I want to do before I die (I’ve said these before):
1. Finish reading the Bible thoroughly
2. Have a school named after me
3. Open a dessert/ice cream/coffeeshop lounge place
4. Write a novel
5. Try all the different Pocky flavours in the world
6. Travel around the world (Esp. Europe & Japan)
7. Learn how to swim
8. Be able to jump and touch the rim of a bball net (3 more inches!)

SEVEN ways to win my heart:
1. give me lots of attention
2. going out of your way to help others in need
3. able to hold an intellectual conversation for a long time
4. very athletic and outgoing & better than me in at least one sport
5. opinionated & has strong beliefs
6. understanding & accepting of others
7. has God at the top of their priority list; not me

SIX things I'm afraid of:
1. my family & friends dying before they know Christ
2. getting lost in a foreign place
3. finding out everything I lived for was a lie
4. raising my kids in an even more corrupt world
5. being responsible for someone else’s death
6. discovering I wasted my life, not fulfilling what was set out for me

FIVE things I don't like:
1. liars/hypocrites
2. repetitive noises
3. injustice
4. people who don’t value their family
5. smoking

FOUR ways to turn me off:
1. constantly acting homosexual if you’re heterosexual
2. gossip
3. overly concerned about their (& my) appearance
4. being inconsiderate

THREE things I do every day:
1. go online
2. wonder what people are doing
3. pray

TWO things I'm trying NOT to do right now:
1. procrastinate
2. chat on msn

ONE thing on my mind right now:
1. Ski trip to Tremblant & Blue

if we died

Today was the most moving prayer meeting I could remember. Basically, all 3 small groups met together and prayed for our brother Willie and his mother... oh, how genuine each prayer was! (You can count on me to be praying for you and your family, Willie.) But why is it that we only meet together to earnestly seek and cry out to God when something “bad” happens?

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I became conscious again today, that I undervalue everything I have; everyone I know. UGH!! I’m so frustrated with myself that it makes me sick! I just blogged about how I took my mom for granted and here I am again... right back at the beginning. When will I learn?!

I was reminded once more that our days are numbered... we won’t be alive forever. Not in this existence at least. I ask myself, “If I were to die tomorrow, what would I do differently?” The answer is a list that I can’t acknowledge - one that I can’t live out because I’m too fixed on what I see in front of me now. What if my mom were to die tomorrow? What if my siblings did? What would I change? Even in asking these questions I’m simply concerned with the people in my inner circle! Everyone on this Earth is a child of God; my siblings. Should I not be concerned? SHOULD I NOT BE CONCERNED?!

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DYING EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT??? Absolutely nothing.

What scares me is that; the possibility of the end being near for those I love, is even a possibility at all. When will I change? When will I learn? ... please, tell me when...

Lion funnies

I woke up this morning and I started thinking about this picture... and I started laughing to myself! *heh heh* oh Eugene and Sam... too funny. I'm laughing as I type because I keep looking at this pic! ^_____^

(last night my internet broke down so I used my time looking through all my digi pics)


Okay, I know this picture is very inappropriate, but it's FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

BTW, Chai Chi’s hand isn’t actually touching her. Sorry Mabel, I had to show people. I think I would post the pic if it were me. *ha*

catching up

Some things I did recently I haven’t done ever or haven’t done in a while:

• Played piano (my hands were so cold by the end they turned numb and I couldn’t move fast enough for certain songs)
• Drank soy milk
• Text msged an old friend
• Took pictures with my family
• Went to Monday night volleyball (and I didn’t swear at all! Sadly to say, it’s something I struggle with while playing)
• Woke up at 1:45 pm
• Taught a Sunday school class
• Went on Friendster
• Kissed mother

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Some things I want to do soon:

• Have coffee with someone and just allow life to slow down
• Watch a movie
• Make-right with people I’m not right with
• Go to the gym or jog
• Go snowboarding
• Read Angels and Demons
• Discover more Pocky flavors
• Simmer in a hot bubble bath
• Finish all my school work

Grand

Never immersed in a love so deep
Stretched beyond all mountains’ peak
Never in this world that I would seek
Called for this heart to plunge so meek

Reigning over all sin’s deceptive veil
Blind eyes released on victory’s sail
No longer anchored by misleading fib tales
God’s wind will triumph and will not fail

Hesitant trust carries a cynical glare
Astounded to find a Man on this earth so rare
Bestow us faith; remove this stubborn layer
Expose and find there is a genuine prayer

Powerful yet merciful conveyed through His grace
His fallen, willful children He will still embrace
Despite denials, rejections, and love for sin’s taste
He still came to us; to this malevolent place

Love and peace no poem can express
Opened a joy only Satan detests
Unattainable by our worldly success
Oh, Infinite Lord, you shall not be repressed!

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So I decided to slack off by writing this poem (took me about a week).
To be honest, I had started the poem with the intention of writing it for Brian, but then after the first line, I thought it was too worship-like so I wrote the rest for God.
“That’s all I have to say about that.” --> the words of a good man.

sighs all around

I’m flooded with work for the next 3 weeks, but I can’t concentrate...

Brian’s going to be doing his clinical in Kitchener in April and he’ll be gone for a year.

He asked me yesterday if I would cry if he wasn’t going to be in-town for clinical; of course, I said no. After all, there was an 82% chance of being placed somewhere in Toronto. Not only was he NOT placed in Toronto, but he’s also last on the waiting list. I was considering to get “rid” of a few people who were ahead of him in the waiting list, but I think ridding 5 people would be too much work.

Well, I was wrong about the crying thing. ~sigh~

I know we’ll still be able to talk every now and then, and see each other maybe once a month or something, but what scares me the most is not having him here to keep me accountable. I don’t trust myself enough to be comfortable with him leaving... I’m freaking weak I tell you! Even some of the things I was capable of doing while he was still here were rather “bad”... now they’ll be a million times worse and more tempting if he leaves! What will I do?! OH THE HUMANITY!!

ETCBC – Titus – small group – accountability partners --> I am going to lean on you guys like a fat kid against a wall after a 10 mile run.

I only recently got used to seeing him more... and now it’s being taken away... he’s leaving...

Sponge-ing

I did something today that I’ve never done before... I call it sponge-ing, others may call it “mopping.” I didn’t use a mop, I used a sponge-with-a-stick-attached, so it’s not quite “mopping” – you wouldn’t use a pen to highlight things and call it highlighting; it’d be crossing things out. So yup, I sponged my kitchen floor today for the first time in the 20 years I’ve been alive. I don’t even think I did it properly (if there’s a proper way)… I just splashed dish-soapy water around and wiped it up with the sponge contraption.

Some trivial things I learned:

• I learned the location of the sponge-thing
• Don’t use too much soap – it gets too unnecessary bubbly and it takes forever to rinse and dry.
• Splash soapy water as you go – don’t be an idiot and splash the whole floor first because then your feet gets wet.
• Take the things out of the kitchen that you’ll need later – prevents you from needing to re-enter while the floor is still wet.

Some significant things I learned:

• I’ve taken for granted the fact that I have a house to live in and take care of – there are so many people who do not have shelter at all... and here I am, whining about the rooms I need to clean and too lazy to keep things uncluttered.
• I never realized how many things my mother had to do to keep the house clean and tidy... it’s absolutely frustrating when I’m the one cleaning for me and my siblings and they don’t care enough to help out. Now I can truly empathize with her when she does all the chores without any of her children to lend a hand

It’s true what they say, you never know what you have until it’s gone.

breaking down

I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing
You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them I
nstead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

(Song: Be Magnified by Lynn Deshazo)
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LORD, FORGIVE ME!!

I don’t think I’ve been so impacted by song lyrics in a long time... probably since TC 2000 when I accepted Christ. I didn’t think I’d get so emotional, but I did (I don't usually admit to this). It’s because in the midst of singing, the words told my story. It’s funny how songs can touch and relate to a person so personally; so sacredly.

I was thinking just now, it’s sad that I need to break down every single day for me to appreciate just how awesome God is... and when I don't, I lose sight of how beautiful He really is...

more

Once upon a time, there lived a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow...

The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, a knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife’s slain body in his arms.

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This story was written in this novel I’m reading, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. A simple, ironic story that brings out the complexity of greed – I thought it was brilliant and thus I share it with you.
It amazing what some people would do for more things... we just want more. More what? More of anything we can get our hands on. But I find that the things we need more of, we can't touch and don't ask for. Such as love, respect, dignity, wisdom, control, patience, peace, the list goes on and on... fascinating.

Can you keep a secret?

I hate that question. But allow me to tell you what I mean when I say “secret.” Just for this blog entry, the term secret is a piece of information that has been told to you and doesn’t involve you. You, the receiver, have acquired a “secret”, and the teller is SHARING about themselves (not “telling a secret” because by this definition, to tell a secret is equivalent to gossiping). If you have a secret, than you now have the responsibility to KEEP IT A SECRET.

If someone trusts you enough to tell you something particular about themselves or something that happened to them, you better keep that trust by keeping your mouth shut. What kind of friend blabs? If you’re not trustworthy enough to keep a secret, what makes you think the new party you’re telling is anymore worthy of keeping it? Once you tell the secret, you’re now gossiping.

Sharing --> receiving a secret --> telling the secret --> gossiping

Also, if what you’re sharing includes more people than just yourself; THOSE OTHER PEOPLE BETTER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TELLING TO OTHERS AND THAT THE THINGS YOU’RE TELLING ARE ACCURATE. It’s not just your story. And don’t make up BS and tell that BS like it’s true. What you have to understand is that stuff like this always goes back to those you don’t want to hear it...

It’s too late to undue damages, but the first step is to admit and apologize. Why can’t some people just keep their mouths shut? You know what this all goes back to; at the root?
Honesty.

1,2,3, more about me... dang, eh?

These “tag games” remind me of chain letters... But because I have no life, I’ll play along.
5 random facts about me:

1. The only thing that has ever made me lose my appetite (that I can remember) is seeing some very slutty, hairy, cross-dressing men on Jerry Springer.

2. I can’t cook anything other than breakfast food and instant things. Even when I fry pre-made dumplings, or heat spoon-n-bake cookies (right, Sam?), I somehow screw them up half the time. OH, and this one time, when I was really young, my brother and I burnt something really badly and all this smoke started coming out of the pot. So, remembering what we saw on those educational videos, we put the lid on and crawled out of the house on our stomachs... seeing how the thin layer of smoke against the ceiling could have killed us and all...

3. One of my past “goals” in life, before I became Christian, was to turn a gay man straight... somehow... o_O

4. I’ve been punched in the crotch so hard, that their fist penetrated my pelvic bone to the point where I was on the ground for a few minutes in pain... yeah, you don’t think stuff like this happens to girls... but apparently, they do.

5. Back in the day, in my old house, my brother and I would make a whole bunch of tents with our blankets and sticks. One time, we connected all the blankets and my mother walked into a living-room of tents... it was great. ^__^

Five people I would like to do this: Ken Leung, Sam Wong, Selina Wong, Willie Loo, Hazel Tenafrancia (I hope I spelt your last name correctly... o_O)... Richard Tsang, I believe you were tagged also, I want to see some things I don't know about you.

a royal pain

Someone once asked me, “why is your blog name: minutes to sanity?”
Well, to put the answer plainly, I thought I’d be ranting on about the things I like/dislike on it and that would, in effect, lower my insanity level... therefore, with each post, I become one step closer to being "sane"... whatever that means. o_O

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I overheard a girl telling her boyfriend (or husband or possibly brother) she saw a certain coat. She talked about how it was too expensive for her to buy it herself... how it was somewhat unnecessary... how much she wanted it, but couldn’t afford it since she has a low-paying job (apparently). Eventually, after saying a few times, “oh no, I don’t want you to spend so much money on me,” she allowed him to buy her the coat.

These types of girls piss me off. Dang princesses.

Even if you don’t mind paying and you consider $50 bills as loose change, you shouldn’t have to tolerate this kind of materialisticness. That’s just plain selfish on the girl’s part. By buying these “gifts”, you’re spoiling them and fencing them in their own acquisitive behavior. Don’t be stupid; show them how to appreciate what they already have. (Note: I’m being gender-specific because it’s easier to type... I know the roles could be switched in reality, but I believe this way is more common.)

The only thing I think is okay to ask for is food. But not like fancy expensive food, I mean the cheap stuff. Why? Because:
1. You’re more likely to be genuinely “in need” if you couldn’t even afford cheap food and you’re humble enough to ask for something that cheap.
2. Food is a life essential; if they don’t eat; it’ll affect their health, and what good is having a starving girlfriend?
3. It’s easy to repay and to return the favor. If you’re really that poor, you could cook food that’s around for them as your sign of your gratitude... whereas, if they bought you a LuLu Lemon coat, you couldn’t sew up another one as “compensation”.
4. Food leads to waiting... waiting leads to talking... talking leads to knowledge of the other person (and from there, it could go either way: good or bad)... and that leads to touching. *heh heh* (j/k... well, in certain cases it does... o_O)

So, to all you princesses (male and female) out there: back off, get your own _______! (please fill in blank with materialistic goods)

you there, with the coat

To the mysterious guy at Tim Hortin's/Wendy’s (Midland/Steeles),

Who are you?

You stood there at the Wendy’s doorway and didn’t come in. I saw you... and looked at you a few times because I thought I recognized you. You were looking in my direction for a while, but you didn’t come inside. In fact, by the 3rd time I looked up, you ran away... literally... I didn’t have my glasses on, so your face is a blur. (I had too much pride to wave to you, or put on my glasses and look at you again... probably thought I was checking you out if I did.)
I’m not saying I was being checked out or anything, I was just observing my surroundings. Maybe you were looking my way because I was looking at you? I was probably squinting to try to get my eyes to focus.

Anyway, if I do know you, message me! I know... “What are the chances?!” ~shrug~ BUT if you’re a slim, medium-height, Oriental-looking guy with a royal blue coat that did all that stuff I said above last night, and you know me; communicate to me!

(Although this post sounds like a dating service thing... I CAN ASSURE YOU, IT’S NOT!! Just my curiosity has peeked in this matter... so forgive me as to what this may sound like.)

how about you PING THIS!

I recently realized that repetitive noises drive me insane.

Like yesterday, when I was on the Steeles [E] bus (a lot of things happen on the bus for me because I spend an average of 410 minutes on them per week… o_O), I was sitting in the first row of double-seats after a long day of class; heading towards Timmy’s to study some more. In front of me was a divider that separates the double seats w/ the 3-“for old people”-seats that face the other direction.

Anyway, there was this brown girl (I say “brown” for descriptive purposes only) who looked like she was 16, yakking away on her cell phone. I don’t mind people talking on their cell phones... it gives me something to focus on (*ha ha* j/k). What I DID mind was that she put her boney-long-fingernailed hands on the divider – which again, was in front of me – and started flicking the metal pole. Over and over again... ping ping ping ping ping...

Out of courtesy, I was going to (kindly) ask her to stop after she was done talking on her cell... but by time I got to Leslie, I was ready to smack her hands so hard her fingernails would cry.

She didn’t put the phone down for a second. So, halfway through the ride (around Woodbine), I decided to pretend I was sleeping and “accidentally” let go of my umbrella and have it hit her hands. *heh heh* >=o) I executed my plan...

I missed.

It landed on the floor. Crap. And thus, she continued... flicking away at the pole for the rest of the 50 minute ride... from Finch Station, all the way to Midland...

inhale garbage

To the right is a picture of a hairy tongue caused by poor mouth hygiene and smoking. (yes, I had to get the grossest picture I could find...)

I think smoking is a very selfish habit/lifestyle. You’re basically saying, “I know it can do damage to me and the people around me, but I don’t care.”

People who whine and explain how they can’t quit and say how many times they’ve tried but failed... basically mean they didn’t try hard enough. I’ve heard stories of old men who’ve been smoking longer than I’ve been alive, and they can quit!

Every cigarette package has pictures of tar-ridden organs and harmful smoking facts... so not many people can say they don’t know its effects. Well, here is some information that should make one think twice about smoking:

1. Money Stats

• Tobacco accounts for over $9.56 billion in healthcare costs and lost of productivity in Canada
• In Ontario, the direct and indirect components of smoking-related costs are estimated to be US$2.91 billion. Associated with these economic costs are health-related harms: 69,318 hospital separations; 1,007,647 days stay in hospitals; 11,648 deaths resulting in more than 171,443 person-years lost.
• If instead of smoking 2 packs per day for 50 years, you could have had an estimated $1,000,000 if you invested it in a major tobacco company
• The average cost of treating squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck (a cancer caused almost exclusively by smoking ) is $25,542 more than the cost of treating other comparable solid tumors

2. Smoker Stats

• Smokers will die an average of over 12 years sooner than non-smokers
• Over 90% of laryngeal cancers are caused by smoking
• Smoking causes 87% of all lung cancer cases
• Smoking is a major factor in impotence
• Tobacco use has been associated with premature aging and skin wrinkling
• Each year, smoking kills more people than AIDS, alcohol, drug abuse, car crashes, murders, suicides, and fires---combined!
• Smoking has been implicated in the risk of diabetes, obesity and mental retardation in the newborn
• Tobacco kills as many Americans as in all our wars combined. Over 1,000,000,000 people. Tobacco kills that many every 3 years!

3. Secondhand Smoke Stats

• An estimated 35,000 to 40,000 deaths from heart disease in people who are not current smokers (US only). Exposure to passive smoke can increase your risk of heart disease by 50%
• About 3,000 lung cancer deaths in nonsmoking adults.
• Other respiratory problems caused by smoking in nonsmokers include: Coughing, phlegm, chest discomfort, and reduced lung function
• 150,000 to 300,000 lower respiratory tract infections (such as pneumonia and bronchitis) in children younger than 18 months of age, which result in 7,500 to 15,000 hospitalizations
• Increased number and severity of asthma attacks in about 200,000 to 1 million asthmatic children

4. If you quit stats

• After 20 minutes your heart rate slows
• After 12 hours the carbon monoxide in your blood returns to a normal level
• Between 2 weeks to 3 months your lung functions improve and your risk of heart attacks declines
• Between 1 to 9 months your coughing and shortness of breath reduces
• After 1 year your risk of a heart attack in one half that of a smoker's
• Between 5 to 15 years your risk of stroke is the same as someone who does not smoke
• After 10 years your risk of lung cancer is one half that of a smoker's

---------------------------
The best way to quit is to set a date and quit cold-turkey.
“If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

(Reference: http://www.tobacco-facts.info/ <-- I was going to source, but I got lazy.)

Chonovations

I was sitting in the back of the bus on my way to fellowship, when I realized how many more people we could fit on a bus if everyone was standing. And then I saw that usually 73% of everyone who takes the bus is more than capable of standing the entire trip [note: statistics may be inaccurate]. After that, I began thinking of practical bus designs... I will call my creation: The Chomobile. (yes, I ocassionally like to name things after myself... =oP)

But before I explain my design, I want to note a few things:

• The Chomobile is only meant for heavy people-traffic times/places – like during rush hour or going to popular locations (i.e. the CNE, universities at "perk" hours, etc.)
• If everyone stands, they’d burn more calories and thus, we’ll have a healthier nation! (To a certain extent anyway)
• Since almost everyone is standing, there wouldn’t be as many people who cut into the lines to get seats... and even if they do, those who were budded wouldn't care as much since there isn’t a lot to run after.

Okay, time to explain the design (following the green numbers labeled):
1. All those thin-table-looking things are ledges for people to put their bags or backpacks on while standing. People could also prop their kids on them if they’d like, but generally, adults wouldn’t do such a thing on a packed bus.

2. There are a bunch of seats in the front reserved for seniors, the less-physically capable people and pregnant women. I believe the drivers should do their best to enforce such deeds (on the Chomobile and on buses today). I noticed that there aren’t too many seniors who take the bus and those who do, sometimes prefer standing. Like this one time, I offered my seat to an elderly lady (because I was sitting next to her husband and there were no other seats left) and she didn’t respond to me. In fact, she turned to her husband, who again was sitting beside me, and said, “I just hate it when people offer their seat to me... What, do they think I’m old?!” o_O Now I'm scarred.

3. That’s a sample pole. Clearly, there will be more placed around the aisles if the Chomobile is actually made. And they will have the “Request Stop” buttons on them like the buses now have for easy, awesome stopping convenience.

4. Say goodbye to “Litter Here” labels with NO place to put our trash in on today’s buses! Introducing the new and improved on-the-bus garbage can! Wow, how did I think of this one... *heh heh*

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If I ever think of more inventions/innovations, I’ll be sure to post them. I had a lot more before I discovered they’ve already been invented... like my tear-away underwear for fast and efficient removal (for whatever reasons people need to remove their undies quickly... o_O)! Or my 2-in-1 pen and roll-on whiteout for those with small pencil cases and can’t fit everything! And my bite-sized deep-fried mini-cake bowls filled with ice cream (I wanted this to be my “signature dessert”... but I don’t think it’ll happen. -_-“)!

But anyway, that’s enough about that. Why am I still awake?! ...aw, who’s online at 5am??

the jerk update

After so many times of admitting to my gullibleness, it has come back to bite me in the ass again.
The other guys paid and are off the hook EXCEPT this one guy who only paid $60 for the whole time he’s been here.

This is what happened:
He has no money whatsoever. He has nothing but his passport, a change of clothing, a broken TV and VCR, bed sheets and a laptop. He owed us $320. He said there’s a buyer for his laptop and that he was going to sell it for $400, giving us $250 (since he claimed he’d need more money to “survive” when he left) and paying the rest later. He offered to sign a contract with all his information and stating that he would owe us the money within the next 3 months.

This morning at 10am, the buyer was supposed to come by to purchase the laptop. We had kept the laptop overnight incase he decided to take off on us. I was awake at 8am because I needed to study for a quiz at 11:30am. So the guy rings the doorbell and asks me to bring the laptop down so he can check things before the buyer came. I go down with the laptop and he begins to take it out of the case, plugging it in and starting it up. I tell him that I’m going to get my sister down to take care of everything, since I had to leave my house soon and she is responsible for handling the rent money.

I go upstairs and wake my sister up. She’s up and downstairs about 10 minutes after I had come up. He was gone. HE LEFT!! THAT ANAL PASSAGE LEFT!! THAT LYING, SELFISH, EVIL, DECEPTIVE PISS-OFF LEFT!!

I let my guard down for 10 minutes and I cost my mother $320 plus the agony she was put through over the past month because of this guy... ARGG!! Some daughter I am, eh?

Every person I talked to said I shouldn’t have left it with the guy... every single person. Let me tell you, it feels pretty crappy to hear this over and over again because I knew that fact way before anyone had to say it to me aloud. I get it people, I screwed up. I messed this crap up and I know it; just get off my case because there’s nothing I can do now but beat myself up inside for doing it. What I hate about this situation most is that I believed him... I believed everything he said he was going to do until I found out he screwed us over... -_-“ How do I change that?

"hungry, I come to you..."

Remember when I went to Nicaragua?

Well, to make a long story short --> the houses we had started are now FINISHED!
WOOT WOOT!

It’s such an amazing thing to be apart of... I urge you to go on one of these trips if you ever get the chance. You won’t regret it. Even if you’re eating beans every day and you hate beans; you’d still have a great time! ^__^

Oh, and I just discovered the “add pictures” button! Now my blogs can have a new and exciting dynamic to them! OoooOOoOOo. (Easily amused, I am.)

One more thing. Today was the first day in ages that I voluntarily watched TV... and of all the things I watched, it was a World Vision child sponsoring documentary-type thing. My goodness, I cried my eyes out. Now I’m seriously considering sponsoring a child. But since I have $0 income... I’ll have to contemplate as to how this will be funded.

God doesn’t reveal to me enough, just how blessed I really am.

stupid jerks - piss me off

There are 3 guys (jerks, if you will) who rented my basement last month. Only one of them has paid for this month, the other 2 have not. My sister who have been dealing with them didn’t get them to put down a deposit before they moved in because she “trusted” them... then these stupid jerks brings another friend to stay, so now there are 4 --> 3 of whom have not paid.

They smoke in the house after my mom continuously tells them not to. They leave lights on all the time. They washed 2 face towels in the washing machine under the “delicate” cycle. They invite friends to stay overnight. They go into our garage and messes things around. They’re loud and irresponsible. But most of all, THEY DON’T PAY THE RENT!

The way we have been operating with people who rent the basement thus far has been too relaxed. We don’t ask them so sign any contracts or anything so we don’t have any legal documents stating that they pay such an amount at such and such a time.

WHAT DO WE DO?! We want to kick them out, but how? Move all their stuff out into the lawn while they’re gone and change the locks? (<-- That’s what I suggested.) We’ve already told them to leave but there seems to be no signs of movement.

Does anyone know if we have a legal case? My mom says the “police” people always back up the renters; not the homeowners. Is that true? I don’t believe so because there are too many iffy situations to make a general claim like that, but she seems confident enough to not threaten to sue them. Can we sue them for trespassing? How do we get the rent money and have them leave?

The longer they stay, the longer their free-loading grows. PLEASE give us some advice!

What jerks. >=o(

the naked me

There were a series of events that happened to me. No, I didn’t get naked. So, I’ll tell you what happened first, and then explain.

Some years ago, I went kind of obsessed with losing weight. At the time, according to my BMI (body mass index), a “Do-It-Yourself Body-fat Percentage Test” I found online, my family (siblings especially), and the portrait media painted of the “ideal size” woman – I was fat. I told my best friend at the time (who was around the same size as me now that I look back at the photos) about my plumpness, but she told me I wasn’t.

About a year or so ago, I started doing some weight-watching again – but not for the same reasons; I wanted to be healthy. But when I mentioned to a few of my friends about my lifestyle changes, they said, “Julie, you’re not fat. You look fine – quit worrying so much.”

During the past summer, after a nice game of softball, the Lions and another team (I don’t remember exactly which one) did a devotional together. Our task was to go into groups of 4 or 5 and tell each other one bad thing, one good thing and one thing we would like to change about ourselves. I remember thinking really hard about the stuff I wanted to change, like my ears, my flexibility (or lack thereof) or improve some softball skill... but when it came time to share, a thought hit me and I said, “I wish I didn’t have any secrets.”

A month or so ago, in the Scarborough Grace Hospital where I volunteer, a middle-aged man kept watching me while I walked around and did my duties. He was waiting for the doctor to see him, so I assumed he had nothing better to occupy himself with. But after a good hour of observing, he finally came up, stared me straight in the eyes and said, “I just wanted to let you know that you’re beautiful.”

-------------------------

Okay, I just want to make it clear that I’m not looking for any comments about my appearance. Like I’ve said blogs past, I can’t take criticism (negative or positive). So, please don’t say anything about that for my sake.

Now then, to tie everything up... after each of those scenarios, I found myself saying in my mind,
“That’s because you’ve never seen me naked.”
I still say that, actually. Sometimes even aloud when people I’m comfortable with make a comment about my looks. You don’t know what I hide... all the little deformities I may have. Apart of this blog entry, I was going to list out all my “not normal” physical characteristics of myself, but I was advised not to... because I wouldn’t know what that would accomplish. In fact, I don’t know what my main point is.

My thoughts are jumbled, but what I think I’m trying to say is... I may not look like the girl you may think I look like. Hum... sounds odd... how about this: we girls (although I can really only speak for myself now) hide a lot of ourselves to have ourselves believe we look better than we think we look when we’re absolutely naked. Huh... Okay, 3’s the charm, I’m going to try to make sense of my thoughts one more time: when it comes to appearance, there are many things you may not be able to see because we/I have mastered the art of disguising our/my “ugliness” that only we/I know exist. I know I’m probably scaring you with what “things” I may be hiding, but comparing myself to other naked women I’ve seen, I’m not a monster. But that doesn’t matter, the bottom line is... we’re all ugly. *ha ha* (kidding) I don’t know... dang, I shouldn’t have blogged. Do I make sense? Probably not. But I think I make sense, so I’ll just leave it at that.

End communication.

2-tier my butt

I love talking about the Canadian healthcare (HC) system. Anyone who has spoken with me about this topic knows that I am currently anti-privatization (present me with opposing evidence-based support and maybe I’ll look more favourably towards the private sector). I’ve had a lot of intriguing debates about it, especially with a number of people who have very strong views for pro-privatization.

My main reasons for my views on the “2-tier” public/private HC system
Many people believe that if we had a paralleling private system where patients can purchase the treatment they need; it can not only relieve them of the long waiting lists for themselves, but also allow those who are waiting be pushed up on the lineup.
It won’t work. Here’s why:

• Physicians and HC workers in the US (they have a fully private system) get paid almost twice the amount as the ones in Canada do. What will stop Canada’s physicians from transferring to the private hospitals with such incentives? And if they do pull physicians out of the public system, there would be just as much, if not more, waiting for those people who cannot afford private HC.
• It’s been shown that the care received in private systems does not match up to the care received in public system. I’m assuming it’s because they try to see as many patients as possible to maximize their pay (not diagnosing thoroughly), hiring not-as-skilled but less-expensive laborers (for housekeeping, kitchen staff, etc.) which may affect its cleanliness and overall efficiency, the less patients = more desperate for patients... and who knows what that might lead to.
• People waiting for organ transplants or hip (or other body parts) replacements aren’t suddenly going to experience an increase in the number of donors; they’re still going to have to wait.
• People complained when the government delisted some services off OHIP (e.g. eye examination, dentist checkups, etc.); would people not complain more when we need to pay for more services that are deemed “medically necessary”?
• A small hospital costs millions to operate. Who is going to fund the initial funding to build these private hospitals? I hear Alberta, who is currently trying to open Canada’s first private hospital, is asking the federal government for funding. Where does the government’s money come from? Taxes. Are we willing to pay more taxes, or reallocate funding from public services like education, to build hospitals for those who are wealthy enough to pay for expensive treatments (I say ‘expensive’ because generally, treatments are hundreds to thousands of dollars)?
• Can private HC not become for-profit? I don’t believe so. I think when shareholders, cost-savings, marketing, competition, wants/demands, and other economics’ terms get involved – it’s inevitable. What good is a for-profit HC system? We don’t know what we need when we’re sick; physicians tell us what we need. It’s the ultimate monopoly! I recently saw a video that stated that our HC system is a potential multi-trillion dollar market – it’s no wonder companies are trying to get a piece of the action! Especially those from the south of the border, trying to slowing move their way up into this “market”.
• This brings me to my next point... I don’t think healthcare is something to be purchased like any other commodity. It’s not our choice to get sick, we just do. And it’s not like we enjoy getting treatment. Health is something sacred and affects every aspect of our lives.
• Should those who richer be treated faster? Should those who have better insurance be treated better or faster than any middle class person who needs urgent care? Why is money a determining factor as to how others will live their lives? Is this fair? These are the types of questions that will be raised if a so-called “2-tier” HC systems stems in Canada. Not to mention this goes against the principles of the Canadian Health Act.

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I have a lot more to say... I’ll probably write it in my next post. Most of the points I made are backed by evidence-based literature. If I were a real geek, I would’ve referenced them... though I thought about it, I decided that sleep will help more in the long run.

One last point: The best way to help our HC system is by PREVENTION. (or get rid of the “free-loaders” who abuse the system by choosing to damage their health, then demand treatment for themselves when ill... but that’s not feasible.)

don't push

Here I am once more, walking my own ways
I don’t need your help, my wrongs I will pay
Yet I ache again and again
You hold out your hand,
But I push it away
Again and again

Here I am once more, choosing the path of sin
I turn my face away, from you I want to be hidden
Yet I fall again and again
You hold out your hand,
But I push it away
Again and again

Why do you keep trying?
Oh God, let me be!
I don’t deserve your love
I don’t deserve your love!
So please, please stop trying...

Here I am once more, a stranger in my mirror
I'm lost in my own act, only my name on the paper
And I cry again and again
You hold out your name
But I push it away
Again and again

Why do you keep trying?
Oh God, let me be!
I don’t deserve your love
I don’t deserve your love
So please, please stop trying...

But you chose to love me, knowing what’s in my heart
You chose die for me, knowing I may want us apart
I don’t deserve your love
But you said it’s okay...

Why do you keep trying?
Oh God, let me be!
I don’t deserve your love
But you said it’s okay...

You hold out your hand
I take it
I’ll stay.

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These are the lyrics of a song I wanted to write for God. But it'll be years before I can come up with any instrumental parts to it... maybe never. If society didn't limit the average length of songs to a few minutes, my song for/about God could be endless... there's just too much to write when it comes to the Lord Most High

funny how humans operate

Everyone thinks they make rational, objective, well thought-out decisions, whether they are big or small decisions. But let me tell you, I was enlightened recently... I’ll summarize my findings:

• The Anchoring Trap
  Is the population of Turkey greater than 35 million?
  What’s your best estimate of Turkey’s population?
  If you’re like most people, the figure of 35 million cited in the first question (a number chosen arbitrarily) influenced your answer to the second question. This question was asked to many groups of people; half the cases they used 35 million and the other half they used 100 million. As predicted, the answer to the second question increased by millions when a greater figure was used in the first question. This common phenomenon is known as anchoring. “When considering a decision, the mind gives disproportionate weight to the first information it receives. Initial impressions, estimates, or data anchor subsequent thoughts and judgments.”
  ---------------------------
• The Sunk-Cost Trap
  Your friend needed a job and you decided to pull a few strings and ask a few favors from your boss to have him hired. Your friend isn’t the most reliable person and can’t cut it as the employee you made him out to be. What do you do? You try to teach him more, fix his mistakes, make excuses for him; pour enormous effort into improving the performance of an employee whom we knew shouldn’t have hired.
  Our past decisions become what economists term as sunk costs – old investments of time or money that are now irrecoverable. We know, rationally, that sunk costs are irrelevant to present decision, but nevertheless they prey one our minds, causing use to make improper decisions. Frequently, it’s because we are unwilling, consciously or not, to admit we made a mistake... especially if there are other people affected by your mistake. We become trapped by an “escalation of commitment” and try, consciously or unconsciously, to protect our earlier, faulty decisions.
  ---------------------------
• The Confirming-Evidence Trap
  Your boyfriend just broke up with you and you needed to call someone to vent to. You decide to call one of your girl friends, whom you know wasn’t too fond of your ex-boyfriend to begin with, to get support and comfort from.
  Okay, I know that example is situational and when dealing with people, things are very complex. But the general idea behind this trap is that, when we believe something is the best decision and we’re looking for evidence and supporters, we tend to seek out the people who have similar ideas as us. “The confirming-evidence bias not only affects where we go to collect evidence but also how we interpret the evidence we do receive, leading us to give too much weight to supporting information and too little to conflicting information.”
  ---------------------------
• The Framing Trap 1 --> Gains vs. Losses
  Your father put you in charge of taking care of 3 boxes of merchandise each box worth $200. Somehow, the boxes got lost in the shipping, but the insurance company offers you 2 options:
  Plan A. This plan will save the merchandise of one of the 3 boxes, worth $200.
  Plan B. This plan has a 1/3 probability of saving all 3 boxes, worth $600, but has a 2/3 probability of saving nothing.
  Which plan will you choose?
  Most people in this type of study chose the “less risky” Plan A. But if we were to ask you to choose between:
  Plan C. This plan will result in the loss of 2 of the 3 boxes, worth $400.
  Plan D. This plan has a 2/3 probability of resulting in the loss of all 3 boxes, but has a 1/3 probability of saving all the merchandise, worth $600.
  In this framing, most people would choose Plan D. If you haven’t noticed, Plan A=Plan C, and Plan B=Plan D. As studies show, people are less risky when a problem is put in terms of gains (boxes saved) but riskier when a problem is posed in terms of avoiding losses (boxes lost).
  ---------------------------
• The Framing Trap 2 --> Different Reference Points
  You have $2000 in your checking account and you are asked the following question:
  Would you accept a 50-50 chance of either losing $300 or winning $500?
  Would you accept the chance? What if you were asked this question:
  Would you prefer to keep your checking account balance of $2000 or to accept a 50-50 chance of having either $1700 or $2500?
  Rationally speaking, your answers should be the same, but studies have shown that many people to refuse the 50-50 chance in the first question, but accept it in the second. Our different reactions result from the different reference points presented. The first frame, with its reference point of $0, emphasized incremental gains and losses – the thought of losing triggers a conservative response in many people’s minds. The second frame, with its reference point of $2000, puts things into perspective by emphasizing the real financial impact of the decision.

---------------------------

There are many other traps that are mentioned, but I believe they are more obvious and recognizable which is why I didn’t include them. Just remember: the higher the stakes, the higher the risk of being caught in a psychological trap – the best protection against all psychological traps is AWARENESS.

Re: J. S. Hammond, R.L. Keeney, and H. Raiffa. “Thinking about the hidden traps in decision making.” Harvard Business Review. Sept-Oct 1998.

Pride: mother of all sins?

Today (Friday) for fellowship, we had a book study in our small groups. Included in my assembly are: Willie (co-leader), Tracy (committee member), Albert, Chris, Richard, and me (the few people missing: Antony, Ben and Judy).

After about an hour of sharing about our childhood life, Chris and Richard had to leave for worship practice... that’s when the real sharing began. (not saying there was anything wrong with the 2 who left; we just started to answer the questions that were set out for the night)

Anyway, the 4 of us had a very moving conversation... it’s been a long time since I was so indulged in a small group in this depth of intimacy. I loved it.
One of the questions was:
Have you ever done something (or not do something) to someone where it made you feel like the lowest person in the world?

You can imagine the type of discussion this was.

I was astounded by the humility of this group... sharing and confessing things a common person wouldn’t even say aloud. I’m also very proud of them. (I say “them” and not “us” because sadly, I am yet to be at that level of openness to share what is heavy on my heart...) The only problem is what happens when the rest of the group is there. Will we be as comfortable? Will people be able to share?

... I guess there’s nothing left to do but wait and see... but it’s amazing what happens when people lower their pride and take a step back to really analyze themselves and their situations. =o)

Things I’m looking forward to:

• Mac Friends Thanksgiving dinner
• Catching up with: James Lau, Allison (from Mac), my Accountability partners (Asako & Helen), Anita (from East York), Lions’ players I don’t see often
• Playing more softball
• Jewish holidays - no class
• Hearing from people in Nicaragua
• Sunday church service
• Celebrating sister’s and brother’s birthdays (bdays are: Sept 25, Oct 2, respectively)
• Playing volleyball
• The next small group meeting
• Having a long conversation with mother
• Sleeping with lots of thick/puffy blankets (having the window slightly open for a cool breeze)
• Getting to know someone a little better

... not having to worry about anything

our story

This post is dedicated to Brian Leung.

So, Brian and I have been dating for 3.5 years (March 26th is our anniversary, thus September 26th would be the half point) and I don’t know about you, but that’s a crazy amount of time. My 2nd-longest relationship before Brian lasted exactly 30 days... we broke up right on our “one month”. It shocks me every time I think about it.

During this time, there were many ups and downs... events that have changed me and shaped me. Brian played a big part in my devotion to Christ and in turn, Christ has molded and become apart of every aspect of my life. I’m very thankful for him and Him; they’re the 2 biggest influences and 2 very important people to me.

And as a commemoration on the years past, I’m going to tell the story of how Brian and I got together (in 3rd person because it’s more amusing to write).

-------------------------------

It’s the winter of 2002 and Julie came to ETCBC like she has done for the past year, but now as a new Christian. She and her friend Helen sat in the front aisle. Before the music began, everyone was asked to stand up and greet the people around them. Brian and his friend David, who usually sat in the next row of pews, ended up sitting in the pew right behind Julie.

“Hello, I’m Julie.”
“Hi, I’m Brian.”

This was their first exchange of words.

About a month passed with little conversation between the 2. One day, after Sunday school, Julie and Brian were found stranded at church because everyone else had left for lunch without them. So they started talking and after a while, Julie mentioned to Brian that she needed to go to Toys ‘R Us to buy gifts for her little cousins, and being the gentleman that he was, he offered to go with her. As they walked and talked, they decided to go to lunch together at Memories of Japan.

They became good friends quickly and attraction between the 2 began to mound as they got to know each other more. As Christmas day approached, Brian and Julie ran into each other often and saw each other’s names in obscure places (i.e. a gift receipt, street signs, advertisements, etc.). It soon became evident that they liked one another and one strange conversation over ICQ and phone, they told each other how they felt.

Knowing they liked each other, it was very important that they find out whether or not God wanted them to be together. Julie, not knowing what it meant to “ask God” for guidance, was very dependant on Brian for what she should be doing.

“Just pray and read the Bible,” he said, “You’ll know when it’s God speaking.”

So, for the next 3 months, they both earnestly prayed and did devotionals – waiting for God’s response.

One night, as Julie was reading through Matthew, she had to go to the washroom midway through. She placed her pen where she had left off and went. When she returned, the pen was at a completely different section of the Bible; the first page of Ecclesiastes! On and on it went about how things were meaningless... she began to feel as if this was a sign and that they shouldn’t be together. But determined to finish the book, she kept reading and came along to a passage that read,
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

Julie phoned Brian immediately after reading this and told him about the passage. To his surprise, that was the exact same passage as the one his previous girlfriend had read when they were deciding whether or not to date (and as their title states, they did date). Crazy isn’t it? Anyway, not too long after, Brian began to feel as though God was leading them to get together also. Then, after months of waiting, praying, and seeking, on March 26th, 2002 around 1:30am, Brian asked her out.

------------------------------

Ahhh, the memories... I wish I can remember them all... -_-"

I love you, Brian. =o)

truths & half-truths

To me, there's no such thing as a half-truth; they’re as good as lies.

For example, it’s like someone in a chat room telling a little girl, “yes, I’m young...” and leaving out, “young at heart.” Or asking A/S/L (age/sex/location) and someone replying, “17/F/Canada…” leaving out, “40 years ago I was 17, which is when I had my sex change in Canada.”

I’ll be honest; I’m pretty anal when it comes to people telling me lies and “half-truths”. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that what they’re saying is true all the time... so when I find out they’ve lied to me, it makes me feel like I’ve wasted my time fully trusting them. But another problem is that I’m very gullible and I give my trust to everyone until they lose it... please don’t make things difficult by lying.

“White lies.” I don’t like those either. If I ask you how you are and you tell me you’re okay when you face tells me otherwise, how am I supposed to react?
1. This tells me you might be lying.
2. It tells me you either don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong or you just don’t want me to worry about you, which is already too late because I’ll worry about you even more now that you won’t tell me what the problem is.
3. You have one less person who can pray for you and give you support and be there for you.

Also, if I ask you if I look okay in some item of clothing, but in fact, I look like road-kill – tell me please! I’d rather know the truth and I’ll be thankful for your honesty. Oh, which reminds me, for those who can’t handle the truth - suck it up and move on... it’s not worth your time or energy to have negative feelings lingering over what someone said to you that was truthful. In fact, it takes a lot more courage to tell someone the truth than a lie, thus be appreciative of what you hear.

“Over exaggerations” are fine when it’s obvious and unmistakably an over exaggeration. But when done too subtly, it has the potential to seem like a lie. For example, someone is trying to convince you of something and they say, “yeah, everyone feels this way” when in fact, only a few people do – that’s deceptive.

“Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned.” - James 5:12

A walk through Proverbs

For the past month or so, I’ve been reading Proverbs for my devo. I wanted to post a small blurb about the verses that stuck to me at the end of each blog, but never got around to it until now (since I wake up every 2 hours, this is the 3rd night in a row and today I’ve been up since 7am). I’m in chapter 20 now, so to catch up, I’m simply going to write out the verses and not explain their significance to me unless it hit my like a football in the groin. (The bolded ones are the ones I want you to read if you don't feel like reading them all). There are some pretty wise quotes in Proverbs; you should read it also.

“My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” - Proverbs 3:21-24

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.” - Proverbs 4:23-27

“Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” - Proverbs 9:8-9

“Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free.” - Proverbs 11:21

“One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth. A man's riches may ransom his life, but a poor man hears no threat.” - Proverbs 13:7-8

“Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” - Proverbs 13:10

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest.” - Proverbs 14:10

“Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die.” - Proverbs 15:10

“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” - Proverbs 15:30

“The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” - Proverbs 15:33

“To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.” - Proverbs 16:1 ---> This one really made me think... probably because I didn’t understand it. But I did a little research and from what I found, this verse tells us how God instills His plans into our hearts with the Holy Spirit, but it is only through His power that it will be done.

“The LORD works out everything for his own ends— even the wicked for a day of disaster.” - Proverbs 16:4 ---> This was also a loud verse, mainly because I have struggles with fully depending on God. This verse reminded me of how He is in control of everything – despite all our failures and imperfections, He can still use us in His plans ... ~sigh~ I need to trust Him more...

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” - Proverbs 16:25 ---> Ah ha! This is why I am never certain about my decisions, because what may seem so right to me may not be what God wants me to do... I learned from an excellent exercise book (Experiencing God) that whenever God reveals His plans to you, He'll always confirm it through the Bible, prayer, the church, and your Christian community.

“Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” - Proverbs 16:32

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” - Proverbs 17:22

“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.” - Proverbs 18:2

“The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.” - Proverbs 18:17 ---> You see, this is why I hate gossip. Things like this are so obvious, yet so unspoken... good ol’ Proverbs

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” - Proverbs 18:21

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” - Proverbs 18:24 ---> this one made me tear...

“Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.” - Proverbs 19:15

I’m sick...

My symptoms:

• Persistent cough
• Due to the amount of coughing, I’m developing abdominal pain
• Extremely painful soar throat (to the point where I tear just swallowing my saliva)
• Occasional weakness (but that may be for today only because I played in a Korean softball tournament for 10 hours, living only on water, Poweraid, a bagel w/ nothing on it and a cheese bun)
• Quickly change in temperature (I might be developing a fever...)
• Tiredness

My main problem is the throat... I looked up some of my symptoms and I think it may be one of 4 things:

1. Strep Throat
2. Bronchitis
3. Cold or Flu
4. Pneumonia

Ugh... I feel like poo and look even worse... first the lump in my armpit and now this... Is God trying to tell me something? But to prevent any spreading and how I feel tomorrow, I might not attend church or the softball events I emailed people about... ~sigh~

Last night, I woke up at 5am coughing my brains out. I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards and basically rolled around and read the Bible until Brian called me at 8:30am about softball. this sucks. (KCSA softball was very fun, btw. We played 3 games, made it to the playoffs and lost to the only undefeated team by 2 runs)

Christian "sluts"

I know I’m opening a HUGE can of worms with this post, but I’m ready to take the consequences if any of this is eye-opening to anyone. (Warning: vulgar language used, readers’ discretion is advised)

By the sheer title of being “Christian”, we’re assumed to be witnesses and people of Christ. We are warned that the world is watching us and that we need to be good examples of the people God intended us to be. Thus note: this entry is mainly aimed to the Christian denomination. Okay, here comes the fun part...

“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” - Romans 14:13 (NIV)

Part 1: The Judge
We need to stop judging the book by its cover (although, more often than not, the cover does tell quite a bit of its content). To prevent any disputes over the technicalities in my wording, I’m just going to say what I mean. We need to stop judging people by what they wear. Just because girls wear clothing with small surface areas, doesn’t mean they sleep around.

Part 2: The “Slut”
From what I’ve been told, males are very visual; easily stimulated by what they see. Most of us female attention-whores know this piece of information. The problem occurs when we use it to our advantage and deliberately wear provocative items of clothing to satisfy our need for attention. Okay, I understand that being fashionable is important and the trend that’s set can be a determining factor as to what is worn. I also know that it can be quite hot outside and having funny tan-lines with certain clothing could be a “fashion faux pas.” BUT as Christian women, it’s our duty to first fulfill God’s request for us to NOT be stumbling blocks for our brothers. I’m not going to list the things you should or should not wear because I think if you were able to choose God and call yourself a Christian, you’re also able to choose what you wear sensibly.
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” - Colossians 3:5 (NIV)

Part 3: The Horny
Guys... you should know better, turn away. If you’re going clubbing or going somewhere where there are bound to be half naked chicks, you’re putting yourself in temptation... then it’s just a matter of how serious you take stumbling to be. What circumstances would you allow yourself to be placed in? That’s something you should figure out before you go exploring different strip joints. Only you know how much you can handle; only you can control your actions and thoughts; only you can draw the boundaries for yourself. Be mindful and intentional, it’s not always the girl’s fault.

----------------------
Romans 14 into perspective:

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.” - Romans 14: 19-21

I’m somewhat taking verse 13 out of context because they are literally talking about food in this chapter, but I feel the principles from these verses can be applied to what I talked about above. Feel free to agree or disagree, but I do urge you to leave a comment about your views on this matter.

showing my ID

Most of you who know me, know I’m going through a slight identity crisis. I thought I was showing signs of improvement until I was recently told I should/need to change something about me... or what I think/thought was a part of who I am. I’m not going to state exactly what this characteristic is, but here’s the jist of it:

Everyone says, “You need to learn from your mistakes.”
If a mistake I made was hurting someone’s feelings, that means I need to learn from that experience and change whatever it is I did that hurt them, correct?
If that is the case, than does that mean I continuously change to please those around me? Most of us would disagree with that.

But tell me, where’s the flaw in this equation:
Mistake = learn + change
Mistake = Hurt feelings
Hurt feelings = learn + change

I know humans and human relationships are more complex than simple-minded formulas like the one above, but it baffles me to decipher what characteristics I should and shouldn’t change for the sake of other people’s wellbeing. It messes me up when people tell me to “just be real”, while at the same time being sensitive to those around me... especially when the two components conflict with one another.

I’ve talked to a few people about this problem and have acquired some new insight; it’s just a matter of time before I believe them...