I was a heartbeat away from throwing away every Christmas/Birthday/Valentine/Thank You/Christian/Friendship card I've ever received for the sake of removing clutter. But when I looked down at the poorly ripped envelopes, colourful edges and shimmery fonts, something made me stop. I picked up a random card and read it... it was probably the 3rd time it was ever read.
1st by the person who wrote it for me
2nd by me once it was received
3rd by me today.
Then THAT feeling came. You know, that feeling after you've secretly wronged someone and it's too late to fix it... that feeling after stuffing down a 2nd helping of dessert even though you're no longer enjoying its taste... that feeling after breaking a promise after you said you wouldn't break it...
Guilt.
I felt guilty for neglecting these cards for so many years and feeling guilty for not feeling guilty about wanting them “out of sight” for another long extended period of time. As so, I sat down and picked up another card... then another... and then another... I re-read every single one. It took about 2 hours. Some of them dated back to the 90's while I was in elementary school!
Through the quirky inside jokes, the one-line generic messages, stick figures and gel pens, what hit me the most was how some of these people – at one point in my life – were one of my closest friends. And now they don't exist as contacts on my cell. Such a shame. There are many lost memories and significant people in my life who've helped shape me into this AMAZINGLY WONDEFUL AND SEXY GODESS... who I feel like I owe so much to... who would not have otherwise triggered a single recent thought had I not attempt to throw out the card they wrote me. Does this make me a heartless bitch? Maybe. But tell me, when's the last time you went through your cards, hum?
Along with the cards, there were hand-written letters, vandalised agendas, old love notes, handbooks, tickets, postcards, IOUs and home-made redeemable “coupons”, amongst other things... thus I would like to take this time to thank the following people:
Helen Lam – for writing me the most letters
Hazel Tenefrancia and Asako Ito – for giving me the most cards
Jonathan Robbins – for writing the funniest messages
Samantha King – for being my casual penpal for years
There's so much to write about when it comes to the past, but I'll stop here for now. 2011 is here and it's waiting for some attention.
Julie Cho's 2011 New Years Resolutions:
Cook more
Floss more regularly
Attend every prayer meeting so long as I'm in town
Learn to swim (preferably before May)
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!! =D
