Bliss not of ignorance

On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I'm a 9... you know, in terms of happiness with life, that is.

More recently, I've been thinking about why that is. Sure, I can cop-out the Christian answer and say, “It's 'cause I know Jesus and He loves me... that's why I'm happy!” ... but really, there's gotta be more to it than that, right? Other Christians should be just as stoked about life too! Unfortunately, from what I've heard, that's not always the case. So what makes me different?

It's come to my attention that I have abnormally low expectations on people. Boyfriends, family members, mentors, teachers/profs, friends, small group... it doesn't phase me too much when things don't work out.

“Water under the bridge! Life moves on! Live & learn,” exclaims Julie!

Is this a good thing or a bad thing? ... I don't know.

PROS

• The volume of disappointments have definitely decreased.
• I'm not upset for extended periods of time.
• Dwelling on things doesn't happen often.
• When people exceed these expectations, I'm super happy! It's like a bonus!
• There aren't too many people on my “bad side.”
• I'm generally not easily offended.
• Good sleep all the time.

CONS

• The impression that I don't care is frequent.
• People are often offended when they figure out how low my expectations are on them.
• My memory is shot. (Because I don't dwell, I forget quickly – almost like cramming for an exam)
• Problems repeat themselves recurrently since I don't remember it happened.

As I type these bullet points, I can't help but feel like this is a very selfish way to live... at the same time, I simply can't help it! Why get hopes up when so many people are just going to disappoint? What happened to commitment and integrity and just blatant honesty?! Humans – myself included – are simply not reliable these days. I'm so pessimistic when it comes to finding a reliable friend, I make me sick. If you have a truly reliable friend; hold onto 'em for dear life because he/she is an endangered specie! Man, how depressing this whole entry is... please someone, prove me wrong! Shut me up!

I guess this is why I'm happy being a Christian – God is the unchanging, unconditionally loving, always present, unfailing, genuinely caring Lord of Everything... and He proved it by giving us His Son Jesus. Thank you, YHWH.

sperm + egg

About 10 hours ago, Theo Gah Bo Tang was born.

He is the offspring of the couple who were the first in my age group to get married and the first to have a child together. Alex and Elly – you guys still amaze me to this day. Congratulations!! =)

As much as I hate to admit this, Theo also makes me feel like I'm getting old. I'm starting to wonder how my eggs are gonna hold out and whether or not a few of them will ever be “hitched”. Am I ever going to have kids? Will he/she be healthy? Am I going to be a good mom?

You're probably thinking I'm too young to be thinking about these things... but I can't help but wonder what my future holds. We humans do fear the unknown. It gives me the shivers to think there is a chance that myself or my husband will be infertile. (I don't believe in jinxing, if you haven't noticed.) I mean, sure, it's not a first date kinda question... but would it be too harsh to say it may affect the longevity of the relationship?

I can just imagine the conversation now...

"BTW *insert name here*, I know we've only been on a few dates... but let's be honest, we don't want to be wasting each others' time if we're not “the One” for each other, right? So I need to know if your boys are workin'. You know, if things work out and we wanna have kids... you DO want to have kids right? How many? What gender(s)? Have you thought of names yet? Anyway, have you gotten this sorta thing checked out? No? What do you mean you're only ___ years old – that's old enough to get this checked! .......... Hey - wait a minute - where you going?! I'm not done!! I HAVE A FEW MORE QUESTIONS!!!" (End Scene)

Man, that's so not sexy.

I'll think about this later.