Saturday, January 22, 2005

the poison in my veins

Why do I want to hurt those who have hurt me?
… when Jesus forgave every sin I have ever committed and have yet to commit?

Why do I long for more material things than I deserve?
… when Jesus gave up everything, even His life, for me?

Why do I believe I know what’s best for me?
… when Jesus knows me better than I know myself?

Why do I blame God for the pain in my life?
… when nothing bad can ever come from God?

Why do I know what is right and wrong, yet still choose what is wrong?

My pride mutated into sins and I was helpless.

2 years later

Jesus became real and I was no longer a sinner,
but a saint.

… my strength was borrowed from God
And I was freed.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”

James 1: 12-18

Friday, January 14, 2005

FRUSTRATION

Open your eyes
___To a world of deception
Full of lies
___For our mental protection
Empty words
___Added to a collection
To fill the hole
___Created by neglection
What is real
___In a conversation?
When our minds
___Have no relation
And the truth
___Changes with perception?
Bitter pride
___Formed by corruption
With our sins
___Withheld from confession
Believing in
___A life without restrictions
Easy victims
___Of other’s manipulation
Falling into
___Deadly predictions
But tied up
___By internal discrimination

Only freedom
___From God’s revelation
___His great rejuvenation
___A life transformation

A turn head
___From a possible conversion
A stubborn heart
___Cold with determination
Clasped eyes
___Blind from withering affection
___Of fleeting exhilarations

___SO OPEN YOUR EYES!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

a dead man's cross

I glanced at my mom while I stood inside the Baptismal tank, getting prepared to tell everyone in my church that I am a child of God and a new official member of the church.

She didn’t even look up at me.

My heart broke and mended itself as I was immersed into the water.
When I stepped out, the deacon asked me how it went... I expressed the joy of being baptized but inside it felt as though I had disappointed my mom in the worst possible way.

December 19th was the day I got baptized.
2 days earlier my mother agreed to come a 2nd time.
2 days before that she said I'd be rebelling against generations of Buddhists in my family if I get baptized.

“I’m so sorry... I shouldn’t have ever made you come... I’m so sorry, mom...”

With her eyes as red as mine, she reached into her purse and pulled out a small red container. “Your dad used to wear this,” she said, “so don’t say I never gave you anything on your baptism.” I cradled the container and twisted the lid open. Inside there was a solid gold cross pendant with Jesus on it, attached to a matching chain.

I broke into tears and hugged her tighter and longer than I ever have before.
Happiest day of my life? Unquestionably.