showing my ID

Most of you who know me, know I’m going through a slight identity crisis. I thought I was showing signs of improvement until I was recently told I should/need to change something about me... or what I think/thought was a part of who I am. I’m not going to state exactly what this characteristic is, but here’s the jist of it:

Everyone says, “You need to learn from your mistakes.”
If a mistake I made was hurting someone’s feelings, that means I need to learn from that experience and change whatever it is I did that hurt them, correct?
If that is the case, than does that mean I continuously change to please those around me? Most of us would disagree with that.

But tell me, where’s the flaw in this equation:
Mistake = learn + change
Mistake = Hurt feelings
Hurt feelings = learn + change

I know humans and human relationships are more complex than simple-minded formulas like the one above, but it baffles me to decipher what characteristics I should and shouldn’t change for the sake of other people’s wellbeing. It messes me up when people tell me to “just be real”, while at the same time being sensitive to those around me... especially when the two components conflict with one another.

I’ve talked to a few people about this problem and have acquired some new insight; it’s just a matter of time before I believe them...