my "rap" of hope

We seek a life, that is made for purpose
But what do we find, and does it satisfy us
Our reputation comes first, so that no one could hurt us
We be nice to others, so that they won’t desert us

Media sways us, family tells us, that life would be this tough
Worrying about my image, is annoying enough
Girls need to be thin, while guys gotta be buff
Being alive these days, has us dying for lust.

People judging me, by common clothes I wear
Spending hours in front of the mirror, just fixing my hair
Need to look my best, try to get men to stare
But what bothered me most, was I really did care.
Life is not fair, I couldn’t bare, I couldn’t share,
who I am was masked, by so many fake layers.
I tried to conform, this act to perform,
but I guess the script torn, or got old with the worn
because playing this part, made me regret to be born.

What’s funny was this mindset, was formed back in grade 6
Put my finger down my throat once, wanna be bulimic.
Hurt so much and it didn’t work, got proof with my pics
I tried smoking then too, just for the kicks
Morals and fun, you know they just didn’t mix.
I had started a life, I thought no one can fix.

By jr high, I had started to go clubbing
Grinding and flirting, while my marks started hurting
Punking off strangers and constantly cursing
Mastered 5-finger discounts, because I had it rehearsing.

By high school, I had tried my first drug
Dropped ½ an E, at a rave with my bud
My friend didn’t stop me, I had my rep to think of,
Had my pride to build up, because I didn’t feel loved.

I looked up to a sister, who comes home at 3
Have a brother who got for her birthday, 2 dimes of weed
I was brought up by a mom, who didn’t know anything about me
A dad who didn’t live long enough, to even be ashamed of me.

So why keep trying, when I’m living I’m dying
the world keeps lying, those lies I’m buying
That I can be happy, if the real me is hiding.

But God found me, broken and needy
Not for something worldly, something to change me
To make me happy, to finally free me
From a life that eats me, with deeds I can’t flee
… once skeptical, but now I believe.
… once in bondage, but now I am free
… once empty, but now filled by the heavenly.
I do good deeds, but not ‘cause he asks me,
But I want to see, that Jesus is happy
Smiling above me and proud to have me.

He bled for me, it’s the least I can do
He died for me, murdered innocent too
I do love Him; it’s His will that I choose
It’s not required to do,
But if I don’t, than it is I who will lose
Because the path that I choose, will be banged up and bruised
But with God in my life,
there’s nothing,
I can’t
do.